im on vacation

so wednesday weight is a day late.
(i said i wasnt even going to worry about it this week, so i guess good on me for putting it up at all. so there.)

yesterday morning (on larry and andies scale, so we are questioning accuracy and im loosing consistency, but again, boo) i weighed 174 pounds. im happy with that.

also, yesterday, i tried on, and purchased size 8 levis from khols. (i bought some 8s from walmart of levis, but their shoot of the brand tends to run big, so they are really closer to my tens. these are true 8s.) i am also happy with that!

happy new year guys. i am thrilled to enter 2011 weighing less than 175, wearing a size 8, and happy. its the best start to a new year ive had in a while.

a change this week

i made the decision when i packed for our week (+) in california, to leave the scale at home. this may be a poor choice, looking at last weeks pound gain, but i dont think so.

i want to enjoy our vacation, and the break from responsibilities, and i did not want to dwell on my every choice like i need to to lose. so, i know i have eaten a lot of sweets and good food (because the food is good, and abundant, and best of all, i dont have to prepare it) and i expect i might gain another pound this week.

i am paying attention to how my clothes fit, and how i feel. and i am trying to eat more of things that i knew to be better for me from my meals. when we get home again in a week, i will return my focus to meal planning, and also getting in time at the gym. ( i am thinking i will shoot for twice a week, but have not decided for sure yet.)

there is a scale here, and i do plan to weigh myself, but it will not be part of my record, because scales all tend to weigh differently and this one here has a reputation for being off often.

merry christmas. :)

a first

i gained one pound this week. this morning i weigh 175.4 pounds.

that said, today had been a great day for paying attention to what i am eating.

also, i have not had a time of devotion for (you guessed it) several weeks now. i miss it. i am disconnected, and i can change that.

i am sad that i now have a gain for the first time since i began in july, but it happens. and now i move on.

what a struggle this week has been

i know that i have gained weight this week. i have had a very difucult 2 weeks trying to regain control of my eating habits. today was my first sucessfull day in those 2 weeks. but, today is tuesday, and one day of eating well doesnt not make up for the other 6.

so when i weigh in the morning i will not be surprised to see a larger number than last week, but i will be determined to continue taking back the control over what goes in my body.

so i just wanted it out there that it hasnt slipped my notice, i am aware, and i have already begun making the necessary changes.

sooo slooow

the constant reminder that any amount lost is still progress, and to go this long with constant progress and NO gain is just wonderful, is getting old. come on self, make just a couple better choices during the week, and you will see greater change! it is in your hands! so stop sliding by, and make a wise choice knowing that on wednesday it will pay off.

okay.

this morning i weigh 174.4 pounds for a loss of 0.4 pounds this week. (in a week that three nights in a row i KNOW i ate too much. i felt too full, and was disappointed in myself.)

so i am admonishing myself to do better.
while still reminding myself that i am making and maintaining great changes.

the good news, and the better news

174.8 pounds.

thats a pound down this week. i feel like im not putting out any effort, and im still seeing results. this is either complete luck, or i have begun to incorporate positive changes into my everyday life so much so that i dont even notice. i think they are both kind of true.

but thats not even the good news.

i went shopping today and bought size 8 jeans. thats a single digit. i cant remember the last time i wore a size 8. (which means, its probably been ten years. that is a LONG time.) (also, id really like to put on my wedding dress, and feel it loose on me. its a size 12. and when i got married, it just fit. maybe tomorrow. :)

so one pound, and a size 8. im not going to make my goal by christmas, but thats okay.


july 14 i weighed 213.4 pounds. i wanted to loose 65 pounds. today i weigh 174.8 pounds, for a total loss of 38.6 pounds in 21 weeks. that leaves 26.4 pounds to my goal. i can do this!
(especially when i remember that i weighed 235 during my pregnancy, so i have actually lost 60.2 pounds. thats just incredible.)

what day is it?

well, its not wednesday anymore. but lets pretend for a minute, okay?

after a rough last week, i weighed 177.4 pounds. and today, after thanksgiving weekend, i weigh 175.8 pounds, a loss of 1.6 pounds. pretty fantastic. hello drivers licence and all that.

but now its back to thursday, and i have to get back to my giant to do list. im chipping away. only 1 more thing i wanted done before friday night (my new white shirt, though, i dont think ill wear it. i think ill probably go with the green or blue dress. i dont know.) i finished emmas christmas dress, and her mary, joseph and baby jesus of her nativity dolls for her gift from santa on friday. that was most important.

enough on that. ill just say, i have a lot of sewing going on. a lot even for me. and, its back to my coffee and email before kids get up.

i am thankful for wednesdays

i was sure i had gained weight this week. too much food. too many sweets. too much salt. 26 hours in a car. a funeral. i was sure.

this morning i weigh 177.4 pounds, for a loss of 0.8 pounds. my biggest loss in a month i think. my drivers license is almost accurate. it has said the same thing since i was 16. 175 pounds. too bad i just did an 8 year renew on it, or i would totally change my weight on my card. :)

so its wednesday, and i am thankful.

my parents are driving over santiam pass (i hope theyve made it over anyways, its been 3 hours) on their way here. my nephew is in town with his foster family, and they are bringing him over this evening for a visit. (his foster mom tells me he has been asking all week when he gets to go to aunt sarahs house. !! :D) and jason has thursday and friday off.

i am thankful today is wednesday.

the georges

we are in california for jasons grandmas funeral this morning. it is a sad but happy time with all the family home. we are here from tuesday morning, until sunday.

its wednesday. its been a stressful week. i have been diligent. my third half hour work out was a walk to starbucks and back with katie yesterday morning.

this morning i weigh 178.2 pounds for a loss of 0.4 pounds this week.

i am chipping away. i dont know what else to say. we had the family viewing last night, and today is the funeral and we will bury grandma mary. grandpa george met baby george yesterday. he told me, "you know how people say 'that made my day'? well, when you had george, that made my life. it really did." from a man who just lost his wife, that made me want to weep.

just logging some gym time
31 minutes 2.65 miles 357 calories

just for comparisson

june 7, august 18, november 11

today is a big big day.

i just bought size ten skinny jeans.



i cant find a picture of me in my red dickies, i know i have some at the coast, but on a different computer, and i dont want to go upstairs and hassle with it. so this one will have to do. this is christmas 2004. i am wearing a pair of size 12 dickies, and as you can see, they are too big. but thats me, the last time i wore a size 10.



that was 6 years ago. i was a 12 when i got married. then i gained weight when we were trying to get pregnant with emma. it was stressful. after she was born, i lost 44 of the 54 pounds i had gained with her, but never got below a 16. this time around, this is my second try and i am running with it. when i put on those jeans tonight i felt incredible. and theyre still a little snug. imagine ho w ill feel in a week or two when they fit well?

today was a big day.

motivation

14 For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,[a] 15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, 16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Ephesians 3:14-21

10...But we urge you, brethren, that you increase more and more; 11 that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, 12 that you may walk properly toward those who are outside, and that you may lack nothing.
1 Thessalonians 4:10-12





Who Am I in Christ?

I am the salt of the earth (Matt 5:13).
I am the light of the world (Matt 5:14).
I am a child of God (John 1:12).
I am part of the true vine, a channel of Christ’s life (John 15:1, 5).
I am Christ’s friend (John 15:15).
I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit (John 15:16).
I am a slave of righteousness (Rom 6:18).
I am enslaved to God (Rom 6:22)
I am a son of God; God is spiritually my Father (Rom 8:14, 15; Gal 3:26; 4:6)
I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with Him (Rom 8:17).
I am a temple—a dwelling place—of God. His Spirit and His life dwell in me (1 Cor 3:16; 6:19).
I am a member of Christ’s Body (1 Cor 12:27; Eph 5:30).
I am a new creation ((2 Cor 5:17).
I am reconciled to God and am a minister of reconciliation (2 Cor 5:18, 19).
I am a son of God and one in Christ (Gal 3:26, 28).
I am an heir of God since I am a son of God (Gal 4:6, 7).
I am a saint (Eph 1:1; 1 Cor 1:2; Phil 1:1; Col 1:2).
I am God’s workmanship—His handiwork—born anew in Christ to do His work (Eph. 2:10).
I am a fellow citizen with the rest of God’s family (Eph 2:19).
I am a prisoner of Christ (Eph 3:1; 4:1).
I am righteous and holy (Eph 4:24).
I am a citizen of heaven, seated in heaven right now (Phil 3:20; Eph 2:6).
I am hidden with Christ in God (Col 3:3).
I am an expression of the life of Christ because He is my life (Col 3:4).
I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved (Col 3:12; 1 Thess 1:4).
I am a son of light and not of darkness (1 Thess 5:5).
I am a holy partaker of a heavenly calling (Heb 3:1).
I am a partaker of Christ; I share in His life (Heb 3:14).
I am one of God’s living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house (1 Pet 2:5).
I am a member of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession (1 Pet 2:9, 10).
I am an alien and stranger to this world in which I temporarily live (1 Pet 2:11).
I am an enemy of the devil (1 Pet 5:8).
I am a child of God and I will resemble Christ when He returns (1 John 3:1, 2).
I am born of God, and the evil one—the devil—cannot touch me (1 John 5:18).
I am not the great ‘I am’ (Exod 3:14; John 8:24, 25, 58), but by the grace of God, I am what I am (1 Cor 15:10).
From Neil T. Anderson’s Victory Over the Darkness

its getting harder

i knew this would happen. weight loss is not always easy. i am down on myself for making poor choices, and unmotivated to make the changes i really need to see more progress. its dreary out. i want to cuddle on the couch with comfort food. i do not want to pay attention to what that food is. (though i have been really pretty good about making my comfort foods better choices, my servings sizes just arent.) couple that with the lack of gym time ive put in, and we see minimal weight loss.

last wednesday november 3, i weighed 179.2. today, november 10, i weigh 178.6 for a loss of 0.6 pounds this week.

on the positive, i have seen continued loss each week.
on the realistic, half a pound isnt going to get me very far very fast.

so changes:

breakfast every day. a banana and cup of greek yogurt with my sort of decaf coffee
big and filling lunch (like 400 calories big) with 1 treat. treat today was another banana, but i have pumpkin and flax cookies too.
small, portion controlled dinner. i will not have seconds, unless it is of my veggie.
when i want a snack, first drink a glass of water. i know i havent been up to par there, because i have had several headaches cured by a big glass of hydrating water the last few weeks.
this is what i had been sticking pretty closely to for several months, and saw positive changes, so i want to get back to that. today has been good.

devotions in the morning with breakfast. i am absolutely aware that without God up front in my life, i cannot loose the weight. i have tried for years, and ive never done it before. thats what is so different this time around. my second try isnt set only on my shoulders, i have a big help if im willing to ask for it each day. and when i dont, i struggle.

gym time minimum of 3 days, for 30 minutes this week. next week, ill up it again. my time with jason at home has been so limited (as in, 10pm -6am most days) that i just dont want to leave when hes here. but if i dont get that time away, i will crave it later when its not available. his test is over, and hes making an effort to be home by 8 so i have time to go to the gym. i need to take advantage of that.

so last night i did, 38 minutes 3.3 miles 450 calories. i know if i keep it up, i will see change.

thats where im at today. this is where i decide to push through and make it work, because the alternative doesnt get my any closer to the girl i want to be, wearing those red dickies.

edit: i did gym tonight 45 minutes 3.86 miles 515 calories

hello rec center.

its been five weeks since i was at the gym, and two months since i was there regularly. jason and i chatted last night, now that his test is over, i need him home before 8 at least a couple days a week. that was our deal originally, and now that he had a little more time, i need it back.

so, i went to the gym. 30 minutes 2.56 miles 347 calories. and it was easy. i changed all my setting to fairly high, a little higher than i usually set them, and just went. my heart rate went up, but my muscles felt fine. i dont want to be sore, so i quit at 30 minutes, but im planning to be there again tomorrow (if he gets home from a study session with his project partner in time) or saturday during naps. ive missed it, and i want to go back.

sleep sleep sleep

i feel like i need oodles of sleep lately. it doesnt help that ive been two days off of caffeine, and after one great night of sleep, george woke up at 430, again. its getting old. so im working on new sleep habits for both of us.

and some new eating habits. breakfast breakfast breakfast. i need to make it a priority! and no more candy. well, less candy. halloween is a killer. and i love tootsie rolls.

one more change, i need to do something each day. i am sitting in at a plateau, and i know moving will make a big difference. ive been pretty slack with jason being so busy, but his test if over now and next week his class project and last test will also be over. then he will be home sooner and i can make time to hit the gym once in a while.

now, for the wednesday business. last week, i weighted 180 pounds. this morning, november 3, i weigh 179.2 pounds. thats 0.8 pounds lost this week. not much. but i am so grateful that there was any at all. i cant tell you how many tootsie rolls and pumpkin cupcakes ive eaten. thats 34.2 pounds lost in 16 weeks. i have 8 weeks left to reach my goal. its not looking very optimistic, but i knew that might be the case. i have 30 pounds to go, and at just shy of 4 pounds a week, i dont see that happening. but i can get close.

so back to work. figure out the sleeping, focus on my eating, and get moving!

crying babies and getting (rid of) a grip

the last few times jesses been here at nap time, there has been some serious crying. yesterday was better, and today was much much worse. i get so stressed out after listening to crying for so long, especially when theres nothing i can do. today he climbed out of the play pen and i had to wrap him up and hold him and shush him to sleep. i havent had to go to that extent in almost a year. so, my anxiety is a little high. (hes only been asleep for about half an hour, im sure ill feel a little better after some more time passes.)

and my body is holding on to this 8 with a life and death grip. this morning i weigh 180 pounds. that 2 pounds this week, which is super considering the 0.2 pounds i lost last week, and the week before was not much either. but, next week! i am SO THERE next week. and by there, i mean UNDER that 8.

on the letter

i expected the box to arrive on tuesday. i didnt take into consideration that i had mailed it early on saturday. it got there monday.

my dad waited until my mom got home monday night to open the package. he wanted her to open it. she told him that it was for him, she assumed it was a birthday present and that she didnt know anything about it.

he was very drunk.

he opened the box, read the letter, and that was it.

mom told me all of this when she called this afternoon. she casually dropped into the conversation that the box i sent dad had arrived. she also told me that she felt guilty, because she had read the letter. (well, it wasnt her letter to read.)

this morning the bible was gone. mom thinks he may have read the letter again, but doesnt know what he did with the bible. maybe hes reading it? maybe its out of sight out of mind? i dont know.

and honestly, im not sure i care. i mean, i know i was supposed to write the letter. i know i was supposed to buy that particular bible to send with it. i know i was supposed to mail it by the end of the week, and i did all of that. but i dont feel any conviction to do anything more. i did what i was meant to do, and i guess thats it. its a weird place im in huh?

my pants are too big

these are my size 12 LEIs that are my favorite pair right now. (next to my paint stained levis that is.) and this is only the second wear so its not just that they are stretched out, but they sag on my butt. they gape at the waist when i tug them back up on my hips and my thighs have at least two extra inches of wiggle room in the legs.

i still weigh 182 pounds, but i am beginning to think i might fit those red dickies when my mom comes for thanksgiving. maybe i should ask her to mail them sooner?

power

i finished the letter, and i bought my dad a bible today. ive written in it, and marked 1 Corinthians with a photo of emma and i. its the life recovery bible. i asked pastor jim this afternoon what he would recommend, and this was one of them. so i took a deep breath, and followed the nudging of the holy spirit and went out and bought the bible.

please be praying. im going to send out a couple letters to a few people at home asking them to pray as well. i believe God works powerfully through prayer.


Ephesians 3:16-21
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

good news

i need to take in my favorite shirt. i just sewed it this summer. :)

not my best week 14

182 this morning. thats 0.2 pounds this week. i knew last night it hadnt been a stellar week, so i am grateful that i had a loss and not a gain. and this week i will do better. (step one of doing better, buy coffee. im out and its killing me. step 2? eat breakfast! i have been putting it off to get the kids together, and then not getting around to it. i need to eat breakfast.)

today and tomorrow i have a house full of kiddos, so i will have to be extra careful about making time for coffee, devotions, breakfast, and taking a break during nap time.

and, i need to get to work on that letter for my dad. its started, but thats all.

snacky sweet

it was quite possibly not my best decision to have a snacky sweet evening the night before i weigh. but, true to my new habits, when i want to eat something, i eat it. i just make the best choice possible about it.

so tonight i had broccoli and cheese soup with baked cheese crackers for dinner. (and a few cookies here and there, but ill tell you about those later.) then some popcorn while watching biggest looser, and for dessert, hot chocolate ice cream. mmm. :) so we will see what i weigh in the morning, but even if i (for the first time in 14 weeks) gain weight, my world will not fall apart.

now about those cookies. i made gingersnaps. but i fudged them. i substituted 3/4 of the sugar with splenda, and added milled flax. i should have substituted some of the four with the flax instead of just adding it (there was too much flour that way i think) but they turned out really good. and, they have way less calories and lots more nutritional value than the originals. yum.

one more change this week. on sunday at church i began to feel very convicted about what we are studying in sunday school. we are talking about witnessing, and using the opportunities that God gives us. i started feeling like i dont have the same chances others do to run into people and share. well, on sunday i was hit like a brick with the fact that i havent shared how my faith has saved me, with my dad. so i am writing him a letter. i will mail it by the end of the week. i dont know what ill say, or how it will be received, but thats not really up to me. so im trusting God, following his urging, and writing a letter.

if / then statements

185.4 last wednesday
182.2 today! thats 3.2 pounds lost this week.

and, with only 2.2 pounds before i hit the 170's, im pretty sure thats going to happen next week. what progress!

this afternoon i bought myself a dress, its soft corderoy and a pretty blue. though, i think i may go back and get the green one tomorrow. i just really like it, and i really like that my leftover pooch is hidden pretty well. i checked the seams, and i can also take it in pretty easily when i need to. (i think some princess seams would be cute too... but, a bit more difficult.)





(please imagine my hair washed and down, and while were at it, lets pretend emmas not at my feet having a fit, and george isnt laying on the floor crying, and im wearing mascara on my eyelashes and not under my eyes.)

and, what youve all been waiting to hear about (not really, because ive spewed it all over already) the home inspection went great. caroline and sarah were both very nice and relaxed. caroline sat down on my floor and cooed at george while she talked to me, and sarah took notes when i answered questions. from here, caroline will call my references (say good things about me!) and then write her report and include her (positive) recommendation for the state of oregon. once oregon gets it, they make their decision and if it all happens before the next court date- december could be a life changing month.

while i did last minute things this morning (which made no difference at all) i also did my bible study and held onto several new truths.
i will take the courage that God is offering me.
i will not be afraid.
philipians 1:6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.
if he doesnt get placed with me, then what? then God will take care of me. then God has a plan. then God desires to accomplish something monumental in me. then Gods going to demonstrate his sufficiency to me.

what a work he is doing in my life. and what peace and calm i felt while they were here today.

ugh.

i feel like a total slacker. i have no energy, no motivation. jasons mom has been in town this weekend, we had a great time. at the same time, i had to get the house and bedroom ready for inspection wednesday at 11. so ive been grumping myself into getting it done, because SOMEONE needs to make this little boy a priority in their life, and i have decided to be that person. even when i dont feel like it.

i have no idea what the scale will say wednesday, but im not concerned. what i really want to know is what caroline and sarah will say on wednesday.

depends on how you look at it

185.4 pounds this morning. :) (thats 2 for this week by the way)

size 12 jeans.

i went shopping in my closet and put on every one of my six pairs of size 12 jeans for the first time in years. i settled on my favorite, levies 505 medium length, covered in orange, red, and brown paint and a bleach spot on the bottom of the right leg. last time i wore these jeans, we were painting moxie.

since july 14, i have lost 28 pounds.
since june 3, i have lost 50 pounds.

did you hear that? in 4 months, i had a baby and then lost 50 pounds. i feel like a super hero.

a super hero who as of this morning has some serious organizing to do in a certain down stairs bedroom, where a certain small child might soon be living. organizing and tidying and cozying for inspecting eyes next wednesday. you get where im going with this, right? they are coming next wednesday at 11. but its okay, because im a super hero. i can do it. (do i have another choice? not really. not if i want that kiddo here. and boy oh boy do i.)

lack of sleep walking

jason and i walked this evening to the park and back. emma was not so interested in playing, and we were tired from being up all night with george (130, 330, 430, 630, so we just stayed a few minutes and came home. but still, 1.75 mile walk is something. :)

so what am i doing instead of going to bed early tonight? im dying my hair. because sometimes the calm quiet awake time spent doing something for myself is more important than sleep. at least thats what im going to tell myself.

long day, lots of kids

i was up at 530, out of bed at 6. devotions enjoyed before coffee and george fed before the boys got here at 7. then emma up and the day fell apart. jesse doesnt listen, emma cries and whines. toby was needy and george, what a gem, was good until almost 4. then he needed me, and to be held, and nothing else.

i took the kids for a walk, little ones in the stroller and big ones walking. it went pretty well, considering how it could have gone. no weights just yet, but im going to do them as soon as i post this.

i have the kids for another 9 hours tomorrow, then it is saturday. glorious saturday.

true to my word

i am posting today not only because it is wednesday, but because i need the daily accountability again. so true to my word, a post is due.

unless i start getting up on time (at 7) again, this will have to wait until nap time, rather than after devotion. emma is awake and needs fed and changed when im finished with devotions so i just cant spare the time there when i dont get up until 8.

along with a daily post, i am also going to start some very small weight lifting to tone up my arms. i have not seen any inch decrease in my arms and i know i cant reduce fat in specific areas, but i can tone muscles in specific areas, which will help burn more fat. so i did just a couple sets of 10 reps with my five pounds weights of some bicept curls and flys and a little for my triceps. simple simple and im sure totally unconventional. ill have jason help me with form later. :)

as for wednesday, here we go. :) last wednesday, september 22 i weighed 189.4 pounds, and today i weigh 187.4! thats 2 more pounds lost, AND i have reached my pre emma weight! i weighed 187 when i got pregnant with emma in march 2008, two and a half years ago. what an accomplishment!

now ive got my eyes set on 170something and boy does it look good. i still have a ways to go, but week by week (though slower than i would like) i am getting there!

weekly update and a change

this seems more like a weekly update. im going to change that. i have made a new habit of making the time for devotions each morning, and after devotions, i am going to make an update here. i think that is the best way to create a new habit.

that said, here is how this week went. on saturday i mowed our lawn, and the neighbors. its been at least 4 weeks, but i think closer to 6 since the back was mowed there so it took a little over 2 hours of very slow mowing to get it done. i was sweaty, im calling that a decent work out.

oh, and one day last week, thursday i think, i took emma for a walk around the block. thursday i think.

monday i swept and mopped all the floors downstairs. i wiped baseboards in the bathrooms and cleaned toilets and counters. i cleaned a lot. totally counts as a workout.

today, jason asked if i wanted to go to the gym before he ran, and even though i didnt (see previous post) i went. 42 minutes 3.57 miles 510 calories a pretty good workout after 12 days away from the gym. and today i am motivated to make some more changes.

and tomorrow is wednesday.

i dont want to.

i am going to the gym. jason said it would be okay if i went and he has the kids, so even though there isnt a bit of me that wants to go i am going to the gym.

daily devotions

wednesday morning i did not spend any time with God. i showered and got kids fed before the other kids arrived, and saved my time for naps. it seemed like a good idea, but oh it wasnt. it was such a stressful day.

yesterday and today, i have made a point of using the morning instead of the afternoon to get in a few minutes with my bible and i feel so much better. i think devotions should be prescribed to people with blood pressure issues, because even though george is screaming and emma just tossed her milk cup on the floor (for the billionth time i think) i know that the stress of this moment will not be the end of me.

and on wednesday, i wasnt so sure.

10 weeks and what a change

my patience is very tried this morning. and its only just before eleven. oi.

nothing specific, there has just been a lot of squabbling between the kiddos (a lot a lot) and after several hours, it really gets to me. so i am praying for patience.

i am sure it doesnt help that because i got the kiddos early, i have not yet had time to sit down with my bible and my esther questions yet this morning. but, that is my nap time plan.

on another, much more encouraging note, i did it! today is wednesday, which means i step on the scale and record what it tells me. last wednesday september 15 i weighed 192 pounds. today, september 22 i weigh 189.4! thats 2.6 pounds this week, and a grand total of 24 pounds in 10 weeks. so so exciting. its been 2 and a half years since i weighed so little. ha, funny to call that a little number when i consider the goal, but still!

this week, i have decided it is important for me to get back to the gym on a more regular basis. i have been so touch and go, its not a good habit. and also, my back has started to ache again and since i dont have chiropractic coverage through our insurance, exercise is the next best option.

one more thing. on saturday i enjoyed the beth moore simulcast at our church. she did a fantastic job, and i had a great time. God gave me a sweet little reminder that he is taking care of things in my life. i am claiming the verse "he who began a good work in you, will carry it on to completion" and i feel like july 14 was a jump start to completing that work. also, when we sang the line "he can move the mountians, my gos is mighty to save, mighty to save" (even though i have heard the song a bazillion times before) it was laid on my heart that this whole DHS and DHW situation is such a mountian, but that doesnt mean that it is immovable.

over the last couple weeks, pastor has had some points that have gotten to me too. one was that our kids learn about God at home. the church is not the source, it is a resource to enphasise what is already being taught at home. and second, that our relationship with God should come up in conversation. BSU games come up in conversation, why doesnt faith? arent they both a part of our lives? so i have been working on those two things. it is a growing time in our house. ive felt led to challenge jasons faith to grow as well, and though i feel uncomfortable doing it, and i know i am not being asked to be a resource for his growth, i do need to encourage him so seek out ways to grow. we have always gone to church together, but this is otherwise a whole new aspect to our relationship and i cant wait to see the difference in our lives over the next few months.

recap

its a good thing i got that quickie post in when i did on wednesday, otherwise it may have been two days late. :) so here is the recap of everything ive missed.

monday i took a walk with the kiddos to the park, (1.75 miles) then in the evening (quite late actually because we had small group) i went back to the rec. you saw that post that i had made it, and i stuck it out for 20 minutes 1.75 miles 250 calories. my biggest struggle about going to the gym right now is that each time i go, i am spending time away from jason that i would much rather be spending with him. but i am begining to feel better about that.

tuesday was the first day of bible study. i was nervous going, and when i first sat down there were mostly older woman and all of them knew one another. thank goodness several familiar faces showed up a little late, and amy (from sunday school who just had a tiny baby girl) sat next to me so we chatted a little bit. i even borrowed her pen because i didnt know i would need one to fill out my listening guide. bible study was great. i enjoy beth moore. shes funny, relate-able, and intelligent. i think i will enjoy this study. and, it comes with homework, so i have been using that as my devotions each morning, and i am starting to notice that i miss my regular reading, so i am going to just do both.

after a no so great weight on wednesday, i did make it to the gym again. 46 minutes 3.8 miles 543 calories. and it started to feel good again. (helps that good tv is starting up again... :) i really believe that this week i will be under 190. i can do it. how exciting will it be to weigh 186? thats 1 pound less than i weighed when i got pregnant with emma almost three years ago. i am so close.

this is a terribly messy mix up of a post, but thats how my week has been. (i had the boys three days this week too.) my daily schedule is getting better, i am not having as much trouble sticking to it, even though sometimes i do not like it. thats why there are three loads of laundry that need folded. but that happens once in a while.

and last, i am excited for the beth moore simulcast on saturday. i want to fully become the new person God is making me into, and learning how to do that from a woman who is so entertaining and interesting while sitting with friends seems like a great way to do it.

quick like

i have sleeping and crying babies, but dont want to forget to get this in today.
this morning i weighed 192 even. that -.8 pounds for this week. not great. not my goal, but still moving in the right direction.

more on the new bible study and simulcast this weekend when i have only sleeping babies.

its the first time in 12 days, but im at the rec and determined.

day 61 and when should i stop counting?

i dont think im ever going to stop counting. i will always be able to remember the day i started, because it was jenns birthday. anyways, just thought of that today.

it has been an emotional up and down weekend. and, the rec is closed and jason as been at work all weekend. 12 hours yesterday, and he went in after church this morning and will have to go back tonight after we work with the teens.

rachel complimented me at church again today. it was really nice to get to tell her that ive lost 20 pounds since i told her just after i started that i had set a big goal. and because i see myself all the time, i dont always get to notice the small changes. but i see her once a week, so she does. it was really nice.

i am signed up for the beth moore simulcast on saturday, and this morning i signed up for the tuesday morning bible study at church. i am reaching out. im making progress. im doing it.

i dont think i will make my goal for wednesday, because jaosn has worked all weekend, and small group is tomorrow night, that leaves only one day to get in a good work out. but we will see. im not giving up. i have made other positive changes this week, and thats the point, so im not going to be disappointed.

down day

i had a very down day yesterday. i was worrying about my nephew, and disappointed that the outdoor shade jason and i built this week is too easily over powered by the wind (fail) and feeling generally down on myself. i was also down about yet another week of no gym, and entirely my own fault.

but- i did try to change my attitude. i mowed the neighbors lawn. its really long (they are getting divorced, both moved out, the house will likely foreclose) and needed cut, and they were always great neighbors to us so i decided to do something nice. then i remembered thats the third lawn i mowed this week. i did ours on saturday, and the rental on monday so i did actually get in three pretty good work outs after wednesday at the gym.

then i took a shower and poured myself a glass of ice tea (which a fly promptly drowned himself in... add that to the negative list) and sat out back on the swing for a while. i chatted with heidi online, and then mom called to tell me how the hearing went. it was nice to talk to heidi. we were both having off days and the company was good. but i found out from mom that the direction they are requesting to move with brayden means they are not looking to family placement right now. and that is a huge disappointment. (it is OPPLA or APPLA if you want to know.)

so, a roller coaster of a day yesterday.

and today is wednesday. last week i weighed 194 pounds. this morning when i stepped on the scale, i weighed 192.8 for a loss of 1.2 pounds. i am okay with that. its been quite a week, and i know i could do better in several areas but im still chipping away at that goal. this weeks loss put me over the 20 pound mark (20.6 pounds lost) and that is a good reason to smile.

i have a plan for this week (even though the rec closes TOMORROW for 5 days... ger) and i am hoping to see a number under 190 next week. i havent set a goal for the week for a while, and it will be nice to do that again.

so pray for me if you would, and i will keep going. im in Philippians this week, ive finished 1 Corinthians through Ephesians and have just been making my way through. i love 1 Corinthians. also, i bought a ticked for the beth moore simulcast next saturday. and on sunday i think i will sign up for the tuesday morning bible study, even if i have to swap cars with jesse once week to get all the kids there.

"therefore, my beloved brotheren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the lord."
1 Corinthians 15:58

"and let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."
Galatians 6:9

another poor week

i am having a very hard time getting my act together now that jasons back in school and getting home around 7 each night.

also, on wednesday i started my first mirena period, which has had me feeling just a little off my normal self and blah blah blah excuses.

so, nada this weekend. i did mow the lawn on saturday. and pull weeds. and yesterday i helped jason with some building in the garage for my outdoor shade... but nothing on the workout side of things.

the rec closes for annual cleaning on thursday, and stays closed through sunday next week, so i better get my act together.

iron

jesse kept emma and george for me after his subbing interview yesterday so i could go to the gym.

50 minutes 4.15 miles 600 calories

but today i am TIRED. and i have been for a couple days. that usually means i am not getting enough iron in my diet and need to start taking my iron pills again. after a couple of days i usually start to feel better.

7 weeks

its wednesday!

last week i weighted 197.2 pounds. this morning, september 1, i weigh 194 pounds. thats 3.2 pounds lost this week, and a total 7 week loss of 19.4 pounds! ive also lost 9 inches in the last 4 weeks.

!!

thats just fantastic. really.

i have 45 pounds to go, and that doesnt seem so daunting. ive done that before. i gained 54 pounds with emma, and i lost all but about ten pounds. i am confident, and i have the power to make myself succeed.

mornings at the gym

the gym is quiet in the morning. its nice. saturday i got up with my 8 am alarm and went to work out while jason stayed with the sleeping kids.

30 minutes 2.5 miles 370 calories

i am in a bit of a 30 minute funk lately, and really need to stick it out past 30 to get back to enjoying the longer workouts. i know that in my head, i just dont want to do it.

my mom is in town this weekend, and she decided to spend sunday with jason and i, so after church i took her to the gym with me.

30 minutes 2.32 miles 345 calories

we talked about what it takes to loose weight, weather i enjoy being at the gym, and just general things like that. i didnt want to go, because i knew mom wanted to hang out with us so i just decided to ask her to come along and i think that worked out well.

yesterday was small group, and a very busy day of errand running and sewing and crocheting gifts, but today i plan to be back at the rec. i really do want to get back in my evening habit. oh, and a note on tomorrow. tomorrows weight seems promising. i am encouraged by that. i can have an off week or two and i am capable of getting back to it. it should be a nice little affirmation for me in the morning.

seriously lacking motivation

i wanted to go to the gym.
jason got off early.
i no longer wanted to go to the gym.
i knew i needed to go to the gym.
i decided to go tomorrow.
i felt guilty.
i decided to run around the block.

12 minutes 1 mile 150 calories later

and i feel SO much better. i would have gone farther, but i had to come home to potty. :| tmi, i know, but its life. but i did it! a mile out side in 12 minutes! and off to the gym tomorrow i go.

half life

george is 12 weeks old (yesterday) and i have been working out for half of his little life, and i have already lost the 38 pounds i gained carrying him! what an accomplishment. now, lets see if i can get the rest of me back in the "nine months to gain the weight, nine months to loose it."

the last couple weeks have been a lot more difficult, with family visiting, being out of town, and out of town again, and family visiting again... my calendar is just not as red as id like it to be. that said, i did go yesterday evening, after watching jesses boys for a few hours while he bought and built a futon for mom to sleep on (she drove in last night) he kept my kiddos while i spent 40 minutes at the gym.

40 minutes 3.35 miles 500 calories

i think i want to try and pace a 12.25 minute mile and see if i can get three of them in. i can do it on the elliptical, i almost always do, but i just dont know if i can run it. but if i can, then i can do another 5k! id like to do a 5k in under 40 minutes. and it would just be nice if i could actually run with jason sometimes.

an update on the schedule, i go up on time this morning (early actually, g woke up to eat around 615, so i fed him and then just got up) and had some quiet time after folding a load of laundry. i had breakfast, did the dishes, and cleaned the counters before 9 when i got emma up. then she was changed and fed and i finished up wiping down cabinets and swept and mopped the kitchen. then on to the living room, all the toys are put away and furniture is de-cluttered (still working on the bar behind he couch). emma went down for an early nap, george slept late, then took his nap right on time at 1230 without a fuss. and i remembered lunch on time! so today is going quite well id say.

i want to catch up on my cleaning, so that next week i can get back to just a few things each day. i even figured out how i can do just one load of laundry each day and even take a day or two off! what i havent figured out, is how to get in effective work out time each day. i did some squats and lunges while i got dressed this morning. but its going to take a little more than that to loose 50 more pounds. :)

a scedule

i am TERRIBLE at following a scedule. but id like to be better. so im trying to make one. so far i an 2 for 3 on following it. i did NOT get up with my alarm this morning, i slept quite late. but, i did get emma and george both to nap at 1230, and got lasagna started just like i wanted to. oh, but i forgot to eat lunch on time, so i guess thats 2 for 4.

im working on it, i dont like it, but i know that life will be simpler with a schedule.

just blah.

197.2 today for a loss of 0.2 pounds this week. im still not sure how i feel about it. i did loose a couple inches this week. im off this week. so todays goal? get my head back in the game.

16.2 pounds lost, 48.8 to go.

day 42, a rough week

43 minutes 3.57 miles 525 calories

jason encouraged me to go workout tonight (simply by asking if i was going to do it) so even though i had a late dinner i waited a half hour and went to the rec. tomorrows wednesday and i am having a little bit of a hard time with how i feel about the numbers tomorrow. i feel so great dropping a size in 6 weeks. (really more than a size, because my 16s were snug for a while when i finally started wearing them.) and because my numbers this week have been so-so, and a trip home with lots of fast food and not a lot of moving doesnt make me very confident about any weight loss. but im not sure i am disappointed by that... i dont know.

so we will see what tomorrow brings.

a new size

i did make it to the gym. i stayed till i hit my 500 calories then headed home to spend jasons last free evening with him. (his first class is today at 430.)

40 minutes 3.35 miles 500 calories
(edit: i also mowed the lawn yesterday. so that makes for a little more calorie burn.)

but more importantly, i am for sure in a size 14 jean now. i got out my second pair this morning and they are comfy and new feeling, and i love them.

i dont want to be, but im here, and ready to get in a workout. hope its a good one.

last summer hurrah

wednesday night, august 18, 45 minutes 3.75 miles, 550 calories

and i havent been to the gym since.

this weekend was family reunion at home in oregon and what a busy quicky trip it was. i packed thursday night, jason got off early friday and we drove till 1 am pacific time to get home. then visited gramma davis, went ot family reunion and got to see two old friends, went to roseburg to see brayden and meet patty and maureen, came back home to see ash and two of her boys, then out to gramma maddux's house and we saw jr and tammy too, then home again for dinner and sleep. sunday morning we packed, went to church and caught jim and ginny just as they were arriving and caught up with several people after service. then we finished packing, had lunch with mom and dad, anna and her kids, gram and tony and his kids and drove away at 230 pm pacific time, to get back to idaho this morning (monday) at 2am mountain time. guh.

it was a great trip, i just wish we had a little more time.

on a more relative note to the blog, i ate something saturday night or sunday that upset my stomach all day sunday, and its just starting to feel better today. i think its possible that my body is just used to eating so many veggies and fresh things that the fast food i had over the drives and lack of fresh veggies (my own choice) at meals this weekend just gave me a tummy ache. so that was a good and bad thing. nice to know ive been making better choices long enough for my body to know the difference, just wish i didnt feel so crummy.

jasons first day of class is tomorrow (todays class was canceled) and thats when we get back into our new routine, so wish us luck!

and one last bit of good news, i am wearing new jeans. i went shopping in my closet for a pair of size 14s and found an almost brand new pair to wear today. :)

at the doctor

mattie wasnt going to make me be weighed today! but she said if i wanted to know, she would, so we did. and 198 was the sweet little number. :) so im a happy girl.

today is the day that the lord has made, i will rejoice and be glad in it

there are a few things i want to touch on today, so im making a list to be sure i dont miss anything.

all the babies (or) how God works
wednesday weight
before and after

okay, we'll start with that.

i found out yesterday morning that my friend cassie had her baby during the night. a (not so) little boy. both our kids are about 10 weeks apart, first girls, then boys. i was so excited for her. then i saw that friends of mine have a brand new nephew, born yesterday morning and such a precious tiny tiny (5 pound) gift from God through adoption. as i read a little about the waiting for that little boy, and the process the family has gone through i started to think about a certain 4 year old boy who has been heavy on my heart. talking to heidi via gmail chat yesterday i felt so overwhelmed by the power of giving God control. all three of these boys come from different situations, but all three of them have been prayed for and loved from the moment they became. God knew (knows) the best place for them and if we just pay attention, its clear that he is in control. ill repeat what i said to heidi yesterday, im trying to pay attention.

i have no segway for this, but on the just the facts, by the numbers front, its wednesday. but first i want you to SEE whats been happening. here is the "before" picture i posted in july, george was three days old. i was 235 when i delivered, so probably closer to 225 here than the 213.4 that i started with july 14, but thats not the point. my point is to see where ive come in 5 weeks. the other pictures are from saturday night in mccall this weekend, and from this morning.





this makes me happy. last wednesday i weighted 200 pounds. today, august 18 i weigh 197.4. thats 2.6 pounds this week (!) and a 5 week total of 15.6 pounds. i also lost a total of three more inches from my waist, arms and legs. but its so much more than that. i weighed 197 when i got pregnant with george. that means ive lost 38 pounds since i delivered. wow. and, you cant see it but im wearing a size 14 black corduroy skirt in that photo today. i havent worn a size 14 since before emma was born. but my face! its not round anymore. yes, the photo of george and i is just a good angle for my nose and chin, but i have a chin! this is what i am working for, this is what i need to see to stay with it.

and what a great feeling it was this morning to step on the scale after such a hectic week and not making it to the gym, and eating meals out... and to still see a difference. i am encouraged. i am excited. i am under 200 pounds, and i am motivated to stay there from now on.

one last thing. i see dr anstine again today, to check my mirena and make sure we are all good there. whenever mattie weighs me, she has to move the scale over from the 150 mark, to the 200 mark in order to get my weight. i had hoped that today, i could be back at the 150 mark. so, as weight fluctuates throughout the day and depending on clothing, we will see if that happens today. but even if it doesnt, i am encouraged. 4 weeks ago at the doctor i weighted 209, and i am sure thats not where i will be today.

day 35: getting back on track

30 minutes 2.5 miles 375 calories

i went to the gym tonight, but didnt stay as long as i had originally planned. i needed to buy milk, and wanted to get home to spend some more time with jason getting our house put back together (we are rearranging again) so i quit early and came home. i have resigned myself to no weight loss this week, but, plan to get back on track. tonight was my start. so, we will see what tomorrow brings.

so, i didnt go. so what?

after having so much time as family this weekend, i wasnt quite ready to give that up last night. when jason said he was planning to go for a run at 630, i said, wanna push the stroller? so we went together. emma complained about the sun "eyes. eyes. eeyyyeeessss." and george fussed then cried. and i got a blister on my foot. (i love these running shoes. i really do. but i always get a blister at the top of my arch when i run. elip is fine, walking for miles and miles is fine, but running in them hurts my foot. lame.) so i pushed the kids and jason ran sprints back and forth to us for the last half mile.

but actually, it was a lot of fun. i used the gmaps ped and came up with a total of 2.3 miles and approx. 340 calories. i didnt check the time, jason was wearing his watch but didnt tell me. and a preview of tomorrows weight looks like im hanging out at 200 still. no gain is good considering the food and lack of exercise this week, but it sure doesnt get me any closer to my goal either. i did move around some furniture last night. we re arranged our room. so that counts as a few more calories burned, yes? and the gym and i definitely have a date tonight.

an unexpected week off

i have not set aside work out time since last wednesday's 20 minutes of yoga. and i kind of feel like yoga is a cheater workout (for me, because i use it as back up when i cant go to the gym, and dont want a day off.) so, that puts my goals into an interesting situation.

we spent the weekend in mccall at jasons aunt and uncles cabin and had a nice quiet relaxing time. we ate out at two of our favorite places there, and walked emma to the subdivision pool and had coffees, it was nice. but no workout. so tonight i am hoping to get to the gym early enough to really put in some good time (60 minute minimum) and give this week a little jump start.

good signs are still happening, i am wearing my running short i bought last summer when heidi and i were running. this is the first time they have fit since i got pregnant. and only 3 pounds to loose till i am at my pre george pregnancy weight. then just ten more to pre emma. so we are on our way.

in "shape"

something i forgot about loosing weight is the weird way our bodies change. i measured myself last week and again yesterday at several different points: around my upper arm, just under my bust, at my natural waist and at my belly button, around my hips/butt, and around my upper thigh. in the last week i lost a total of 4 inches all over the place. but in the last 4 weeks, i have lost more inches from my natural waist and above than anywhere else. i can tell by the way my clothes fit and how i look in the mirror.

the weird thing about this is the stretched out baggy skin and extra weight that hangs weirdly from my belly button down. as my waist gets skinnier i seem to notice this more and more, and while i know there is no way to target weight loss in a specific area, i would really like to see some of that shed a little quicker. its starting to get on my nerves, and for now, it is more difficult than usual to choose clothes that are the most flattering to my body.

exercise tv

hulu has an exercise tv channel that has some shortish yoga routines. jason went in late this morning to work because of his fingerprinting appointment, so he was late getting home and i have no time to go to the gym. so hulu. 20 minutes of stress reducing stretching yoga tonight and i feel pretty good.

triple tag

im pretty sure this is my first triple tag entry. so, lets start with the radical change.

in my head i hear curtis (a man at our church who i adore, and who has chosen to encourage and praise jason and i in everything we do) telling me "prayer works." we shared with him several months ago (like, more than 6) about braydens situation and our possible involvement and he has been praying for us ever since. i got to tell him on sunday that we had received paperwork for him, and how quick the dates were coming and he told me what he always tells me, that he would write it in his book, and that prayer works. and here is an example of just that:

i drove to boise yesterday morning/afternoon to drop off paperork at anstines office that needs filled out as part of my application process. afterward, the kids nad i had lunch with jason and then came back home so they could nap. while they were sleeping, i filled out my background check online and at the end when i needed to schedule an appointment for finger printing i found out that it is nearly impossible to get it done in less than three weeks. there was one opening, in an hour, in boise, and that was it until the 25th. so in a rush, i called to get a couple questions answered (did i need it notarized, where do i go...) and woke up and changed both kids and put them back in the car to drive in to boise again. we made it. but how was jason ever going to get his done? i filled out his background check online last night, and when i went to schedule an appointment for him, there was an opening in nampa at 1040 this morning. praise God. so he told his boss he would be in late to work and got fingerprinted this morning.

i dont know what is going to happen, but i know that im going to do whatever it takes to try and make a home for him. i told jason last night there are so many things i dont know how to do for a little boy. when we go out and he needs to use the bathroom, do i let him go into the mens restroom alone, or do i take him with me into the womens? does he know how to swim? has he ever been to the dentist? i have so many questions, but then i remember that i have gina, and jeni, and shawna who i know will be more than willing to help me out when i dont know what to do.

on the struggle front, we have had family here since thursday evening, and they just went home yesterday morning. its been a hard week for work outs and proper eating. i skipped two days this week, and several of the days i did go, i wasnt all in. last night was probably the worst, because my head was so focused on getting all our paperwork filled out. i still needed to write my biography, and i really wanted to get everything finished knowing that the sooner its done, the sooner idaho and oregon and get their acts together. anyway, so its been a hard week for workouts and my <200 pound goal was looking a little out of reach.

30 minutes 2.5 miles 372 calories

and that brings me to wednesday. thats today. last week i weighed 202.4 pounds, and today i weigh 200 pounds. that 2.4 pounds lost, for a 4 week total of 13.4 pounds. its good. 2.4 is good. 2.6 is what i need to average to make my goal, but 2.4 is good. at the end of the year, its only a difference of about 5 pounds. and, just because its been less the last two weeks, doesnt mean im not capable of pushing a little harder, and watching my food a little better, and making that difference. whats a fifth of a pound anyway? 700 calories? i can do that.

i first remember actually hearing this son when jim was still unresponsive the week before easter and i was so heartbroken. since then, i love hearing the reminder that im not doing any of this on my own. God is in control of braydens life, and he will protect him.

last comic falling down

when i got inside, i realised it was monday, not tuesday. that meant that last comic standing was on tv. ob boy was i in for it. tom papas, host of the marriage ref was one of the guest comedians on the finale of the marriage ref and i nearly fell off the elliptical because i was laughing so hard. and boy was i embarrassed. but, it was worth it. i got in a great workout, and actually enjoyed it because of the great comedy.

65 minutes 5.27 miles 787 calories
1.75 mile walk to the park and back

now for the other big stuff going on, i have spent the weekend filling out home study paperwork for dept of health and welfare in idaho. i have the financial report, a short biography answering about seven questions, and a report from a physician to complete before its finished. but the basic application, and the questionnaire are both complete. all these things, including a back ground check and fingerprinting (which i also need to fill out still) must b complete by the 18th for the state of idaho. and idaho must complete the home study by september 9 for the state of oregon. i am excited and nervous. its a lot of change that could happen very soon, but i love that little boy and i just want him to be happy and to grow up healthy.

its 8. im at the rec parkinglot. i dont want to be here, and i dont want to workout, but im going to.

im not slacking, i promise

i have been getting to the gym (i did take two days off, but thats it) i just havent been getting to my computer to log my time. so lets go back a bit.
friday 8/6 55 minutes 4.45 miles 660 calories
saturday 8/7 65 minutes 5.28 miles 743 calories
sunday 8/8 no workout, just some family time and some errand running
monday 8/9 (thats today) a walk to the park and back, 1.75 miles and i hope to go to the gym tonight for a good work out. i would LOVE to be under 200 pounds wednesday morning.

ive been doing okay with food, though, we did have pizza at aunt kris' house, and yesterday jason and i stopped at dairy queen for a quick dinner on the way home. at home ive been doing a good job of getting in lots of fruits and veggies, and i just need to drink a little more water.

also, i keep forgetting to mention an update on my goal to smile more. at church a couple weeks ago, gayla said to me that i always look so relaxed, like i have everything together and she really liked that. :) it made my day. it was just about a week after i made my goal to smile more.

its only thursday? day 22

first off, there are two small gremlins that someone allowed access to water running about the house. i think they are going to grow into terrible monsters by morning unless they actually go to sleep. i hope my cleaning and putting things away pays off and theres not too much to get into while everyone else is asleep.

an back to regular programing, i am TIRED. im going to take my iron tomorrow, and see if maybe that helps. but it could just be stress of all this tidying up in such short notice. (i am a messy person, married to a messy person, and i have two kids to help make messes. and i hate to clean. its a disaster zone here.) i skipped yesterdays workout in favor of helping jason build bunk beds and rearrange furniture and all that, but i managed to run away for a bit tonight (as soon as the family got here) for 41.5 minutes 3.37 miles and 500 calories. i quit at 500 in order to come home and be sociable, but im not planning on doing the same thing tomorrow. tomorrow i am going to need the time away to regroup after a day with load family. (dont read all this the wrong way, i am actually glad to have family here, its just that im also very busy every weekend this month, and that makes me tired.)

so, that said, i have diapers to run through the wash and a bed that misses me.

a day off, kinda

i was exhausted yesterday after all of georges crying, and trying to get the house rearranged and ready for three more kids to be here the next five days. so, by the time jason got home, mowed his dads lawn, and got home again it was 830 and i was just finishing getting dinner ready. no work out for me.

today i have some more cleaning to do, and grocery shopping before the family shows up. and im still watching emma like a hawk to see if any little red spots appear. shes definitely perky ad hungry today though, so im pretty sure her mouth is sore free. her toosh has a few, but im thinking they are diaper rash related since theres been no fever or mouth blisters yet. i hope.

and i told jason it was very important to me to get to the gym today, so i think he will be home in time for me to get in a good work out, even if its after his sister gets here.

a second work out and wednesday weight

i came home early enough to squeeze in a few more minutes at the gym last night, so ill add 25 minutes 2.01 miles and 303 calories to what i posted yesterday for a total of 90 minutes 7.34 miles 1111 calories. all in all a good day. (on the work out front anyways. while emma and george were at jesse and sarahs, they were exposed to hand foot and mouth disease, so now i have to watch for that to pop up in the next 2-5 days. joy.)

and today is wednesday. i stepped on the scale this morning and saw a lovely little number, 202.4 pounds. thats 2.2 pounds lost this week, and a three week total of 11 pounds. wahoo! just think, a gallon of milk weighs about 8.5 pounds. i can imagine carrying a gallon around for a while, it would make me tired. well, theres a little more than one gone. in those terms, ive got a little more than six left. :) well, i passed the ten pound mark, and only 54 more to go! im looking forward to being less than 200 next week, so that means i need to push hard this week, and no pizza like last weekend. it was jasons pick, and i didnt eat as much as i would have liked to, but i definitely didnt get the veggies and water in at those two meals either.

also, i measured myself yesterday (which i totally should have done to start with, because then i would already see a change in my waist size, because i have a skirt that fits better now, but anyways, i didnt.) and next week i will see where some of these pounds are coming off of.

almost a habit and sunday night

its been almost three weeks, so that means i almost have a habit. :) i was at the rec last night before 8 which was super nice, and stuck with my new setting on the rec of lower incline increased resistance and whew was i tired. 65 minutes 5.25 miles 786 calories.

jasons working late tonight, and i have a baby shower at 7 at the church so im not sure ill get to go to the gm this evening so i asked jesse to keep the kids for me this morning. it was nice to workout earlier in the day, but while i was there sarah called to tell me they discovered jesse jay has hand foot and mouth so emmas been exposed to it... yay. they kept him in another room and lysoled all the toys and whatnot, but now i need to watch her the next few days and see if anything develops. but the time at the gym was well spent. 65 minutes 5.33 miles 808 calories. and, if jason gets home at a reasonable time tonight, then i will get in a second workout before i weigh tomorrow. this weekend didnt look great, but today my weight looked like i would be on track for a couple pounds lost. we will just have to wait and see tomorrow i guess.

one more thing, jason and i decided to start working with the youth group at church. todd asked me a couple weeks ago if that was something we might be willing to do and i decided that if he needed help so those teens can have the support they need, then we will absolutely do it. both of us felt comfortable and excited about whats happening with the youth group, and im looking forward to stepping up and leading one of the groups of girls.

weekend recap

friday i didnt workout. but, i spent the evening cuddled up on the swing out back with jason, watching the fire glow in the fire pit. we havent spent an evening together for quite a while, and it was really nice.

saturday was good, jason cleaned the refidgerator for me, and the kitchen floor (because he dumped my coffee from the top shelf of the fridege all over everything, including breaking the glass.) i had a nice work out to the end of 27 dresses (i put it on my wish list). 64 minutes 5.58 miles 671 calories

today was hard. as soon as church got out we changed and went to the lake so jason could swim and ride. i watched the bike for him while he was in the water. then i got emma home and in bed, and george fed and lost all desire to work out. so i napped. an hour on the couch and a piece of chocolate later i was at the gym and looking for something good on tv when jason called and needed me back at home because george was crying. i had been there for 8 minutes. i was irritated. really irritated. when i got home, george was just fine and just needed to go to sleep. so after talking to jason a few minutes about how i was feeling, he said he was alright to keep the kids again while i tried to squeeze in a few more minutes. (see, we were going to start helping in the youth group tonight at 6, and it was just after 4 when i left the first time. the second time it was almost 5, and i would need time to shower after my workout before we wen to church.) i lowered the ramp and upped my resistance and pushed hard for twenty minutes to make my time worth it. once i was finished, i felt better. 20 minutes 1.67 miles 255 calories

total 28 minutes 2.27 miles 343 calories

i think this week ive learned that i need my workout time just as much for my mental health as for my physical health. im looking forward to a long hard workout tomorrow, and a walk to the park for emma.

great workout. and then frustration

i had an incredible work out tonight, because i got there quite a bit before sarah and decided to stay for her whole workout too.

98 minutes 7.45 miles and 1100 calories

then i got home and told jason that it was thursday and that gabe is supposed to be staying here tonight (i thought it was wednesday all day today) and we needed sheets on the bed upstairs... and i felt like i was getting no response from him.

i know he is tired by the time i get home, but i would be here sooner if he was here sooner so i could leave sooner! and i had dinner for him, and i only asked him to unload and load the dishwasher... i told him tonight (after he went to bed leaving the tv on, and gabes bed still unmade) that i feel sometimes like i have a bad babysitter rather than a spouse. i dont know how to tell him that in a nicer way and still have him be helpful. if i just do it all for him, he will just let me. it wont change anything. so i am up late, still un-showered, but a second load of dishes are running (he did do one) and another load of laundry is running (the fourth ive done today ugh.) and i have yet to pump. jason fed george a bottle, so i need to pump to compensate, and so i dont explode in the morning.

i have a lot on my plate, and i wonder if maybe making a list of things that need done each evening (ie: put emma to bed, make dinner, do a load of dishes, pick up toys, change and feed george for bed...) and asked jason to choose a few of them to do if that would help out our time crunch. just a though. now i better get to pumping before i fall asleep on the couch.

but the workout was a good one, and im eating a chocolate star wars egg as a reward. :)

called home

jason had to call me home for the first time last night because george was crying and he couldnt console him. but, it didnt bother me! i got in 32.5 minutes 2.55 miles and 333 calories. when i got home george had finally calmed down (jason had turned on mash. :) so i ran around the block, then walked a few minutes to cool down.

jasons done such a good job keeping george, he called me the first or second day i started working out, but since then, hes dealt with his fussiness all on his own and i really appreciate that. its been nice to have an hour or two when im not responsible to anyone else.

things are going well.

wednesday weight

i was not looking forward to this morning on saturday. on saturday i was up from last weeks weight and feeling a little down. i decided to just push through, and trust that what i was doing was working, and it has paid off again! last wednesday, july 21 i weighed 208 pounds. today, july 28 i weigh 204.6! thats 3.4 pounds lost this week, and a total of 8.8 so far! i am excited, and encouraged, and celebrating with a bagel and fake cream cheese for breakfast. :)

i think one of the reasons i was feeling low this weekend was that i was putting all the pressure on my evening workouts. this week i went back to a few minutes of yoga in the morning (even just ten minutes) and pulling weeds or folding laundry, something else to get me standing and moving during the day. so today since its nice a cool out im going to walk the kids to the park after breakfast. :)

great workout. 68 minutes 5.29miles 782 calories, and im looking forward to weighing in the morning!

more radical change

so besides the weight, i have also been trying to implement what i learned reading the 5 love languages that heidi let me borrow. jasons are words of affirmation, and acts of service. mine are acts of service, and physical touch (only by 1 point) and the other three were all tied. i think i pretty much need them all, but really appreciate when someone does something for me. anyways, its not about me. i am trying to show my love to people in ways that im not always the best at. because i am a little shy, or timid is probably a better description, its hard for me to give thanks to people when they have done something or said something that made a difference to me.

so today, feeling a little emotional, and just grateful, i sent off a few emails to jasons gram and to my friend rachel. i have really really missed having parents around to keep the kids this time around. i feel much more tied down to the house than i ever did when emma was tiny. but i remember how willing jasons grandma has been to keep her for me, and she even kept both emma and jesse for me. its a relief knowing she will watch them, and that even though shes got things of her own to do, shes always willing and almost always able to help me out. and on sunday, rachel gave me a compliment. with working out and changing my body and my attitude being so high on my list of priorities right now, that compliment meant a lot to me. i raved to jason about it the whole way home in the car. but i dont remember telling her thank you. so i send her a note today too, to let her know that her encouragement really meant a lot to me.

i want people to know that i appreciate them, even though i feel like im not very good at expressing it.

finding time

i squeezed in a short workout last night, after bringing dinner to nate and becky for their new baby break, and then enjoying stephanies baby shower for adorable little karli... i left early enough to get home, drop off george and get to the gym before nine. i managed to survive 40 minutes 3.08 miles and 458 calories. not quite the 500 minimum im shooting for, but i did pull some weeds and do a little yoga earlier, and i ran around the block when i got home.

its been almost two weeks, i know my end goal is totally possible, but im also trying to remind myself that its going to take more than just a couple weeks to see some serious change.

i made it to the gym. i will be successful.

not today

i am having a rough day today. emma was upset last night over a diaper rash that is still there this morning. i didnt sleep well, i dreamed of being hunted. george fussed in the night, so i had to wake up and pacify him several times before i fed him around 630. i am very tired. its dreary outside today. im bringing dinner to nate and becky this evening, and have a baby shower to go to tonight for stephanie and baby karli. emmas whining and asking for help but not telling me what she wants help with. she is full of drama. i spent the weekend washing the stink out of my cloth diapers, and yesterday i ran a fresh load of just the three or four that had been used because they were all poopy. this morning they all stink still. im running them through again. i am tired of stinky diapers. i just want to evaporate. my weight the last several days has been very close to, or up from wednesday. i weigh in two days and i just want to see a difference. i know stress isnt helping.

i want to get away. i want to leave the kiddos with someone and go workout until my legs cant move, and then i want to sink in a puddle and cry for a while. i wish i had someone who was willing and avalible to call on short notice and keep them when i need some space. i need to make that kind of friend here.

i will get it in somehow, even if it means coming home early from the shower and not sleeping as well tonight because i went so late.

i need a break today.

making up for yesterday

77 minutes 5.74 miles 840 calories

i had a great workout this afternoon, to make up for no workout whatsoever yesterday, and dinner out. (though, i did have a veggie burrito, no sour cream, and i only ate half.) and then i mowed the lawn too. and turned around the cement blocks at the pathway that jasons been talking about switching directions on for ages. i didnt tell him, im just going to wait and see if he notices. and i picked up poo. a lot of poo. so overall i had a great workout today, and im sure i have made up for my lack of workout yesterday.

now im hot, and tired, and sunburned, and could really do with a shower and a nap. but i need to feed emma instead. :)

too tired

65 minutes 5 miles 738 calories

george wouldnt go to sleep until 11. jason got a call from alan at 1045 saying theres a rotten fish smell that he cant trace, so hes been there looking for it for an hour+ and i am going to bed.

too tired to write anything else.

doing the math

3500 calories burned is one pound burned. i calculated my BMR, and got 1700 calories that my body burns in order to function. well, i eat 12-1300 each day, so that leaves only 500 burned. but then im nursing, so i can add in another 500 burned. then add in working out, this week i averaged 500 calories working out (because i took 2 days at only 30 minutes.) that gives me 1500 calories burned every day and 10500 per week, for a 3 pound weight loss each week. so theres the math of my working out.

last night i wanted to get back to my hour at the gym, i left home a little closer to 8, so that helped, and george decided to be good until i was on my way home (thank god.) so i got in a good workout
70 minutes 6.19 miles 721 calories.
thats six 11 minute 18 second miles. i am pretty proud of that. i wish i could do it just running, but for some reason i am quicker on the elliptical than just on my feet.

its friday, jasons going for a run after he gets home from work tonight, and then i can go to the gym. i think i want to push for an even longer work out tonight, maybe 90 minutes. i know what it takes to loose the weight, and i have some really high hopes of having a good weight loss before i see dr anstine for my mirena check august 18. (yes, i am looking forward to going to the doctor and being weighed.) its good motivation, and a short term goal.

tired and more tired

im starting to want a break. working out daily had made me so much sleepier at night, but george isnt going to bed any earlier. and the last two nights my shower has been after he goes to sleep rather than before. i actually went back to sleep for 45 minutes this morning after i fed george and got up with my 830 alarm. and i missed my hours of quiet in the morning.

last night i met heidi and katie for coffee, then drove home with george fusing the whole way because he was hungry. i put emma straight to bed and fed george then had dinner, at 8pm. thats too too late to eat dinner and get in a decent workout. and its the second day ive had a late meal and tried to squeeze in at least half hour at the gym before they close at ten. but i went, and got in my 30 minutes before some late night grocery shopping.

1.75 mile walk to the park and back (about 15 minutes each way)
30 minutes 2.31 miles 338 calories at the gym.

this morning im really thinking of taking today off. maybe mowing the lawn instead? or maybe i should do some yoga while the kids nap this afternoon and then ill feel more willing to go. or maybe ill take a nap while they nap and then ill feel more willing to go.

jasons working later this week (thats why dinner was so late last night) and he needs to be home so i can leave the kids with him to go. maybe we will just have to work around that for a couple of days and then things can get back on track. i think that nap sounds like a good idea.

day 7 and wednesday weight

i had my 6 week check with dr anstine yesterday (at closer to 7 weeks) and everything looks good. and we had our birth control chat, but this time i had already decided what i wanted to do. i have enjoyed using the pill before, but because i dont want the responsibility of taking a pill every day for the next two to four years (untill jason finishes school) the reliability of the mirena really appeals to me. after we talked about it for a couple minutes, she said she could put it in right then if id like, so we did! i now have an iud. :) but, the cramping afterward put me into a really cranky mood. (that, and itunes not working properly) so i was talking myself out of going to work out. but at 845 i finally decided to just go, and hope i would feel better. and i did! i rewarded my hard work and consistency this week with a short workout, only 30 minutes and it lifted my mood immensely.

30 minutes 2.28 miles 340 calories

and it is wednesday! am i excited? why yes, yes i am. :) i didnt record last wednesdays weight, but i know what it was, so ill just tell you. my scale does tenths of a pound (kind of, it only does even numbers after the decimal, so its really fifths) so thats what im keeping track in. last wednesday july 14 i weighted 213.4 pounds. and today, july 21, i weigh 208! seven days of determination and i am down 5.4 pounds. i am SO excited. when i think of pounds lost, i always think of the size and feel of a box of nucoa. i remember when i was little i learned that those boxes were 1 pound. thats 5 boxes of nucoa thats no longer on my body. oh man. and, even better, i am 5 pounds closer to my goal. only 60 more.

i can do this!

and i leave you with a song. this is PFR or Pray For Rain, a very old christian rock band that i just love. and with the ipod jenn sent me now tucked into my work out purse i got to listen to them at the gym last night. this song makes me think of how i felt when jason wanted to marry me. he loved me so much that he wanted everyone to know it, he wanted to give me his name. well, God loves me too, and i can choose to wear his name too. (but wearing someones name also makes me a representative of them to others. people know i am jasons wife, or andies daughter in law, or katies sister because of my new name. my actions can reflect positively or negatively on them too. same goes for wearing Christ's name.) anyway, its one of my favorites. :)

its working!

my workout last night was rough. as soon as i got to the top of the stairs, i was stiff and tired. but my new favorite elliptical was open (they all were) and i decided to try out some of jenns interval training. during adds i upped either the ramp or resistance or both and pushed hard till the show was back on, and for several of the comedy sets i did the same thing, then returned to a lower setting but kept stepping quickly. i think the changes helped me to push for the whole hour even though i wasnt feeling it. (how often and i really going to be "feeling it" anyways, you know?)
61 minutes, 4.45 miles, 680 calories

i check my weight each day in the morning and sometimes in the evening, but i dont record it. i dont even use the memory setting my the scale. im saving that for wednesday mornings. but when i stepped on this morning i saw a sweet little surprise that i am looking forward to recording tomorrow. ive been feeling wishy-washy about doing a hard workout, or just a walk this evening because i have my appointment with anstine late this afternoon... but that little number was the encouragement i needed to go to the gym today. its working. i saw today, day 7, that its working. :)

and because its related, i should mention i had my very first (that i can remember) fat dream last night. people didnt like me. didnt want to sit nex to me in a crowded car. i was constantly eating something. none of that is me, none of it is reality. i wonder if my subconscious is trying to distance me from thinking i am fat. i dont like the word fat, i prefer overweight. i think fat is a mindset, and overweight is something that can be changed. i think the new me is going to have to fight the person ive let myself settle into and convince her that we really do need to change. if i were a person who put a lot of stock into dreams, thats what i would say anyway. :)

today is another day, and im looking forward to it.

my choice to remember today, is to be a blessing to those around me.

day 6

i walked to the park and back with emma and george today. emma played on the swings and the slide and crawled through the caterpillar tube a few times. i jogged just a little on the way home, it was really nice. so i can add a 1.75 mile walk to my accomplishments today. :)


edit*
on my way home from working out last night, after jason called because he couldnt get george to quit fussing, this is the song that came on. i love those four minutes driving home and so far, there has been just what i needed to hear before i get home. i think maybe God is helping me build a play list. :)

day 5

jason kept the kiddos while they were both awake this afternoon. :) i had an hour and a half at the gym alone and it was glorious. though, i wasnt real thrilled about working out. the novelty is wearing off. im reminding myself a few things though, and as long as i keep reminding myself these things, i think i will make it.

life is a choice. more specifically, my choice. and i can change that choice whenever i want. today i chose to go workout, and on the way home, i chose to sing loud with the windows down and smile. both choices felt great. :)

i am created in the image of God. i want to be the best representation of him that i can, and with that as my goal i have a constant incentive to continue towards my goal.

im not who i was. (cue song)



and there is NOTHING wrong with that. i miss her, but i can be a BETTER version of her. im going make one change starting now, smiling more. people used to tell me that i was always smiling, and they loved that.

so im home from a great workout, emma ran to the door and hugged me, george wants me (because hes hungry, but ill over look that), and jason told me i am cute before i could even say hello. so im smiling. and sweaty.

60 minutes 4.5 miles 667 calories on the elliptical and 18 minutes 1 mile 87 calories on the treadmill