Wednesday, January 26, 2011


its taken me all day to get around to writing this, in part because i am disappointed, and in part because i have had four kids at my house all afternoon.

last wednesday i weighed 172 pounds. this morning i weigh 174. i gained 2 pounds this week. i had been doing better, and then being sick got to me again. as soon as i started to feel like eating again, i ate a lot of brownies. i didnt make good choices. (i also didnt feel like making good choices.)

so i gained two pounds this week. it stinks.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

day 25 of being sick.

quick update, lots of coughing and baby is fussy.

still sickish, went to dr again (freeman this time, love him) and he prescribed me cough syrup with codeine to sleep and get better! (he thinks i may have got two sickness back to back, viral then bacterial, but my antibiotic that im already on should take care of it. doesnt sound like pneumonia, or anything else really. cough should be better in the week.) everything else is improving. so, i will be better by monday or i am to see dr freeman again.

have not worked out due to lying on the couch all the time, but felt well enough today to eat three brownies so i also went upstairs after kids were in bed and put in 25 minutes on the elliptical. now, i cannot take a deep breath for anything, and i had to interrupt this sentence to go cough/vomit up my lunch. fyi, yummy spinach salads are not-so the second time around. so gross.

lesson (hopefully) learned. do not eat so many treats if my body is in no shape to work a bit of them off. now i will take my cough syrup and antibiotic and snuggle in bed with some more of season one of ugly betty. (its been my sick tv.)

i am SO ready to be well again.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

a good week and a bad day

i opened this page an hour ago to start writing, and all i had was the title. guess its been a busy morning. (edit: i just finished, and its now been more than two hours since i first sat down. whew. one of those days i guess!)

two workouts to log, monday 32 minutes 2.73 miles 360 calories and tuesday, 33 minutes 2.87 miles 375 calories. jason had monday off, which was fantastic. even better, he didnt tell me until sunday night! so that monday work out was actually in the afternoon and so refreshing. then last night i forced myself to go. i was in such a funk yesterday. it was awful. before i get into it, i should probably just run down the week.

wednesday last week i dont remember, so it must have just been a day around the house.

thursday nate came over and had coffee and we had a nice chat for a couple hours. it was good to have company (caused me to tidy up the house a bit) and get to know each other a little bit.

friday i took the kids out to coffee at the m and we really enjoyed ourselves. i have missed going for coffee every thursday like i used to.

saturday i took a couple hours off. i wrote about that already, and it was great. stay at home moms should all take a couple hours off once in a while.

by sunday my tiny bit of feeling better was gone and i was miserable again. whatever viral plague i have has really dug its heels in. i decided to call and make an appointment with dr freeman.

monday i started to feel the teeniest bit better, but made a dr appointment anyways, for next tuesday. ugh. its the soonest i could get in. and i had better not still be sick by then! jason was home all day and we accomplished a lot around the house. it was nice to spend a whole day together the day before school starts back up.

then there is tuesday. i woke up just a little late, fifteen minutes or so, but got the kids together and to bible study on time. and bible study was fun. i was home in time for sarah to drop off the boys for the after noon and nothing particularly interesting happened but i was in such a bad mood. i could feel myself being impatient, cranky, irritable, and all sorts of other moody things. kids took late naps so i went upstairs to pick out fabric for a baby shower gift and even that didnt cheer me up. jason was home late from work (as expected) and helped convince me i should go to the gym. working out felt good, but i kept thinking of excuses to come home (george needs to nurse again, emmas probably throwing a fit because shes up late after her nap, geroge will cry because his schedule is off, jason needs to get his bike ready for school and cant do that with the kids up...) so i only lasted half an hour. and he had everything finished when i got home at 930, i just sneaked in and nursed george one last time, but he had accomplished everything while i was gone. but my bad mood persisted.

it was just one of those feelings that had settled down on me and i couldnt shake off.

but today is wednesday again, and i am feeling much much better. still have a runny nose and nagging cough, but my mood is improved. (i write this while listening to to of the four children at my house cry at nap time, so i must be feeling better!) and i think it might just have to do with my weight. :)

last wednesday i weighed 174.2 pounds. this morning, i weigh 172 pounds. thats a loss of 2.2 pounds! i just skipped right over that 173 i had been hoping for. :) now that little 6 is getting closer and closer, i have a new short term goal to look forward to. cant wait till next wednesday!

(i am grocery shopping tomorrow, and my real simple this month had a list of 30 foods that you should try to incorporate into a healthy diet. several of them we eat around here on a regular basis, but there are a few new ones id like to try. jason gave me the okay last night to cook up some new things and promised he would eat them at least once. so, i am very excited to see how i can shake up our eating habits again to see some greater change in the next few weeks. and of course, ill let you know if i stumble across anything particularly yummy.)

Saturday, January 15, 2011

self image

i noticed six months ago that the image i had of myself in my head was not accurate. actually, i could not have picked myself out of a crowd. i wanted to be this girl again.

this morning i told jason i needed a break. he starts school on tuesday and has had a couple long nights at work this week. i know that starting tuesday, our time will be stretched thin again and my time off will disappear almost completely. so i am at the flying m. (three times this week, a little excessive, i know, but its felt great.)

while walking from my car into the m i felt like myself. and the image i have of myself feels accurate. i carried my red shoulder bag from guatemala with jane eyre, my compy from jenn, my new real simple, and my wallet inside. im wearing my black boots i bought with katie in california, my first pair of size 8 jeans (that i shopped for with jenn, via text and photo emails), an old navy tee i bought with heidi when i was pregnant with emma, my black sweater that i treated myself to, and the scarf i bought in elko when heidi and i stayed with cassie for a weekend a couple years ago. i am clothed in memories of who i am. i am alone at coffee and feel completely surrounded by people who i care about.

im not even sure this will make sense to any of you (except maybe jenn, who knows the me that was gone for a while) but i feel like im back. and it feels great.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

alarm clock

my alarm has been set to 730 every day this week. this morning, i got up with the second snooze. :) i have had a rough time reverting back to my alarm rather than waking when george woke up (because he was in our room, and i could just hear him.)

hes gone two (great) nights sleeping from 8pm to 730/830am which means i can start getting up before him to spend some time alone (without getting up before 7am, which is just awful and shouldnt be allowed.)

i am still waiting for my bible to arrive. it left colorado last night and should get to boise today or tomorrow for delivery on saturday. i skipped reading the last two days because i wanted to start hebrews in my new bible, but this morning i read anyways. i will just re read it whenever my bible arrives. im using bible gateway to read from the new living translation to get a feel for how my new bible sounds. i finished up 2 timothy, titus, philemon all in that translation and several times i wanted to stop and underline or make a note and wished i had the real thing here so i think i will really enjoy it. the trouble with reading from my computer screen is that i tend to skim because i am so used to reading for information or a main idea. i find myself going back and re reading, realizing i have skipped verses as i skimmed. so, i am looking forward to my new bible.

on another note, and probably the reason it was easier for me to get up on time today, i have a friend coming over this morning. a couple nights ago i got an email from nate, a guy who goes to small group and church with us, asking if we could sit down and chat about staying home and taking care of kids. he has a little boy 7 weeks younger than george that he takes care of during the day while his wife works. i feel pretty unequipped to give advice, but i can listen and sympathies, and ive done a lot of trial and error with the four kiddos that hang out around here. i am hoping that our chat helps him out, some way or another. (so if i cross your mind today, or right now as you read this, would you pray for nate?)

this afternoon, if time allows, sarah and i are going to take the kids out to jabbers to play. so today should be a full and fun day all around. and its already started off well, getting up with my alarm clock.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

back on track!

i made it to the gym last night making three times this week!
37 minutes 3.21 miles 427 calories

and today is wednesday. george slept through the night and woke up just before my alarm. too bad i was up at 1am anyway listening to jason puke in the next room. what a sound to wake up to, and poor jason waking up to do it. seems to just be something he ate though, because the rest of us are still fine. (i hope that continues.)

so anyways, wednesday. this morning i weigh 174.2 pounds for a loss of 1.6 pounds this week! i am a little bummed its not a tiny bit lower, like into the 173 though. i weighed myself yesterday morning and was 174 even, and even worked out yesterday. but i probably drank more water too. but yay for a pound and a half anyways!

also, that puts me at 0.2 pounds lost after you negate the weight i gained over christmas and new years. so i am back on track! my reward? today, after breakfast for the kids and i get their laundry put away, we are taking a family trip to the m for coffee.

Monday, January 10, 2011

i am still a work in progress

a list of things going on:

my new bible is ordered and on its way. :)

i think i will use our small group study as part of my devotional time with jason, that way he actually gets a chance to read some of it, and we get to do some bible study together

jason and i are working on a new schedule so that we both get time at the gym. (ive been twice this week, and should be able to go tomorrow too!)

i bought a multi B vitamin and started taking it last night. b vitamins are good for metabolism, and energy. will let you know if its working? (not sure how ill know, but, you know...)

im working on another round of purging things from our house, and getting daily life organized. set my alarm last night, did not get up with it this morning. i feel good about the kitchen and our closet, not good about the bedroom and toys. still working on those.

and finally, a quote from the end of our small group chapter for tonight that i really like:

most high,
glorious god,
enlighten the darkness of my heart.
and give me lord
a correct faith,
a sure hope,
a perfect love,
that i may carry out your holy
and true commands.

francis of assisi

2 timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

from the rec

thank you cable tv for coming through with exciting, suspenseful television tonight! greys just started and looks great!

edit: 30 minutes 2.62 miles 350 calories

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

week 25

i weighed on my own scale this week, but completely forgot to do it this morning. so, this is an evening wednesday weight at 175.8 pounds. two weeks ago i weighed 175.4, so thats a gain of 0.4 pounds in 2 weeks.

two gains in a row, and over the christmas and new years holidays is disappointing, but not surprising. so now to lose that 1.4 pounds and get back on track.

i went to the gym tonight. i am sick, still coughing, and went to the gym. thats a good start yes? :)

20 minutes 1.75 miles 230 calories

(did i mention that i also ate well today, all three meals, and read a bit of 1 timothy. :)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

not my favorite january

i am feeling very low.

we got back from vacation monday morning early, and i am so congested/sore/coughing that i couldnt sleep once we got home. i spent 5 of the last 11 nights on the couch.

seriously? ive taken an hour break to deal with a diaper taking off 2 year old. 5 rounds of clean diaper, nap time, pee in it and take off clean diaper, sit on potty, begin again. SO FRUSTRATED.

i am ailing, sleep deprived, overwhelemed, GAINING WEIGHT (which i kind of expected, you know, those other things dont really help in that department) and over all run down.

diapers off again. im not sure i care. i mean, shes going to keep doing it. and if i dont go, she will pee in the bed, and i will have to wash sheets. but if that happens, she will also eventually nap and be happier and we can talk about the potty again then. as it stands, we arent getting anywhere. (ive even tried putting her hand in warm water. im not kidding.)

today is a struggle for me. a big big struggle.