Wednesday, November 30, 2011

a couple runs, a birthday, and a weight

friday afternoon after recovering from a full thanksgiving, jason and the kids and i, along with our friend gabe headed out for a very cold 4 mile run. the boys planned a 10 minute pace and i expected them to leave me behind. it was a nice run. i walked some quiet bits and did some sprints and really felt like i pushed myself. i checked my time at the 4 mile mark and realised i averaged a 10:30 pace. for me, thats a tempo run. faster than race pace. jason got an ear full when i got home, the stinker. it was not a 10 minute pace those boys were keeping, they picked it up several times and finished closer to a 9.

then again on sunday afternoon i hit the gym. 4 more miles. when i get a chance to go this week (looks like friday is my day) im planning to go five. i start to enjoy it at the end of the 4th mile, so im looking forward to that fifth one when its actually fun to be running again.

as for my weight, even with three runs in this week, i am up one pound for 160. i am changing around my eating habits this week too. i have a mid size breakfast instead of a small one, and i eat a large lunch early in the afternoon. then for dinner, i eat my smallest meal of the day. it has seemed to help with the snacking, so thats an improvement.

no rules today though. my sweet emma turns three today and we celebrated with breakfast cupcakes. and shes choosing dinner. i have a hunch it will be cheese and sandwiches.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

the kind of runner i want to be

first, thank you thank you to a friend of mine who gave me several more guest passes for the rec center and with jason home for thanksgiving break i expect to have a chance to use one this weekend! last night i enjoyed (well, after the first mile and a half where i felt like i was dragging weights off of every limb) 4 miles on the treadmill. i had lots of time to think (because i did some sprints, and some walking) and came up with a goal for myself.

i dont care to be able to pick up and run another half marathon with little notice. that kind of fitness would be great- but i dont have the time to make that commitment. i DO want to be someone who can go for a 5 mile run on an off day. i want to be able to quickly train for a half marathon in 8 easy weeks. i feel very strong and capable in daily life knowing i have fitness backing up my nutrition. so thats the goal. 3 miles will be the new easy run, and ill hang out between 3 and 5 miles most runs with the occasional 6 to make things challenging.

for a moment there i thought i had missed my weight last week- i checked though and i did post, just a day late. this morning i weigh 159 pounds. i am happy that i have been able to (mostly) maintain weight and not gain (much). (finding the positive here...) but, im also aware that at one point i was down 5 pounds from where i am now, and im bummed when i think about it. also, i am now 11 pounds from my end goal instead of 6. thats a little disappointing. i know though that i can get there, as soon as im ready to put the effort in.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

this morning i weigh 158.4 pounds. i am acutely aware of my food choices (for the first time in weeks) and while schedules (jason home later than expected, a broken down bike and a rescue trip to boise, wednesday night church, lab on thursday nights) havent given me time to get to the gym, i have been moving more. so thats good.

also, the beth moore bible study on revelation that ive have been doing at church is really great. i havent talked about it much because ive been so quick to share everything with jason. it seems like each week in my homework or the lecture i find something of encouragement to share with him about this rough patch of life we are in right now.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

a warm day in november

this afternoon was beautiful. jason and i took the kids out for a three mile jog (13 minute pace) and enjoyed some sun and conversation while georgie petted emmas fuzzy hood and emma shredded fall leaves over the side of the stroller. the whole thing was really quite nice.

except the reality that this nice warm day in mid november is a complete anomaly and will probably never happen again as storms are headed our way to make this officially a cold winter. saturday evening i told jason i really needed to get to the gym, but i am hording that last pass for a day that i know im really going to need it. because i know its coming. so i think God provided some sunshine today (even though forcast called for snow overnight) so that we could get out together and i wouldnt have to spend that last pass. so thoughtful.

lesson learned though. last winter i really took advantage of the gym and used my pass. in conversation this weekend about the running we had done this week (jason 10+ miles, me 0) i found the words for the situation- the time i spent at the gym saved me from this cold, dry, depressing season of overeating and stress. i know now that i would not have been as successful loosing the extra weight if i had not formed a habit in july and continued at the gym all winter long. and i am so so glad that i did.

(its nice to look back at a situation and think hey, i made the RIGHT choice. look at that. its a much better feeling than looking back at the situation and wishing i could change it all to make something better. i think i need to keep that in mind going into this winter. and i think ill start by going to the gym tomorrow. that rec pass doesnt do me any good in my wallet.)

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


this morning i weigh 159 pounds. i must get in more exercise. i must also exercise restraint in the kitchen.

Sunday, November 6, 2011


i have been postponing writing this for nearly a week. but, i knew time was coming to get it down after i had a long day to reflect yesterday and then this evening a good conversation with jason about it (while on a three mile run. but thats not the point ive been so twisted up about.) so, here it is.

i have been really struggling with feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and overall feeling as if im letting every one down. i am not a people-pleaser, and im not sure i ever have been- but i have had a lot of issues related to feeling constantly down on myself, feeling as if i cant do anything right, as if i am not a good enough version of myself.

i have found minor situations creeping up in other areas of my life (an off hand comment turning into an upsetting night of dreams, minor physical insecurities leading to greater overall disapproval of myself) and ive decided not to let them take over my every thought. the solution: write them down to get them out of my head.

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i am choosing not to give up. i am actively choosing to make a change. and i am not doing it on my own.

Ephesians 3:20
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

i am not called to a life filled with insecurities. and i never need to question my value. i am Christ's glorious inheritance.

Ephesians 1:18
I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.

so tonight i am admitting to having lived the last several weeks in fear- and tonight i am claiming Proverbs 31:25 as my new reality.

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tomorrow begins with a confident hope, as a glorious inheritance, and without fear of the future.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

oh how i miss the rec center

this morning i weigh 158 pounds.

after a really long hard day yesterday i got layered up to go for a run, then was reminded i have 2 rec center passes that i won at a ladies night out this summer. i got rid of some of those layers and headed to the rec center as soon as jason got home. i ran a little over two miles then spent some time in the elliptical. i wish i had eaten dinner early in the evening because then i could have stayed longer, but i was just too hungry, so i headed home.

it was so nice, but also a really sad reminder of how much i miss having a rec center pass when its cold out side. i just dont function well when its cold and dark outside, but its so easy to head to the temperature controlled treadmill and elliptical and get a work out in. i miss it. a lot. i have one pass left.