Saturday, August 31, 2013

stepping over piles of garbage

i am literally (the bag is too heavy for me to carry out) stepping over garbage in my house right now. okay, i guess thats only true till jason gets home and carrys out the kitchen trash. but the rest of it is just so lived in and cluttered i am going crazy. i dont even know where to start. so im doing other things. like drying pears. for the last two weeks. which adds to the mess. pears in boxes on the floor, pears in the dryer, pears all over the kitchen table.

also, its saturday, not wednesday. but on wednesday morning, i weighed 210.6 pounds. so thats my starting point. i have not been that low again since then, but im working on it. also wednesday i did about 35 minutes of zumba. i found several classes on you tube and queued them up. then thursday was playgroup and we went to the zoo, which i walked packing lola so im counting that as exercise. friday morning i got the kids up and out early to be in boise at 7 for the spirit of boise balloon classic (which was great.)

then the rest of the day was pretty awful. just long, and tiring.

so today, i am tired. tired of parenting and sleep deprived tired. lola has been a doll today. just really good. the big kids on the other hand had me in tears before noon which hasnt happened in a REALLY long time. i sent them to their rooms at 1130 so i could try to get through the zumba class and feel successful at something this morning. it took me an hour to do 35 minutes. and the last 20 was after jason got home and dealt with the kids. but i did it.

so, we are working on it.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

5 weeks 6 days

tomorrow lola will be six weeks old. today is the first day of waking up to a house without company here or expected in a few days. so ive started sorting out how to get outside for a little exercise. my current problem is that i have three children. three is more than the two seats i have in the jogger. and also, lola shouldnt be in the jogger for several more months. in septermber we pick up the single from jasons parents when we meet them for camping at hat creek so then jason and i will be able to go together and each push a stroller. so, logistics.

but also ive been thinking about running vs the eliptical.  im planning to do some saving up so that i can purchase another rec center pass. i will be able to drop the kids at preschool, and take lola to the kids center at the rec while i work out twice a week. im really looking forward to that. i like having some time away from the kids to sweat and clear my head.

its so strange doing this again.  i know i can, and i know how, and i think thats part of what feels so odd.  also, i have had very few emotional swings in the last month compared to the drastic ones i had after george was born. i feel less dramatic.  ive set a couple goals to get myself motivated since i dont have that exasperation that i did last time around.  we are camping at hat creek the third week in september and i am really looking forward to running those trails with jason.  so thats goal number one. and second, i want to run another race in the spring/early summer.  i havent found one yet, but something around may or june at least a 10k that i will actually RUN.

the last part of this that i need to get together is to get back into my devotions. i have a quiet time for the kids almost every day, and instead of using that time to just read or shower or nap, part of it will go to spending some time in my bible each day.  im going back to the new testiment i think, but havent chosen a specific place yet.

and finally, AMR had a perfectly timed post for me. my body has been through a lot, i need to remember to be gentle with it.

tomorrow i pick up weighing myself on wednesdays again.

Friday, August 9, 2013

three weeks post baby

i know its only been three weeks, and i keep reminding myself that when i start pressuring myself with expectations. so im feeling back to normal, great, but my body might not be, and i need to remember that.

i did a short walk and .25mi run a couple nights ago. it felt so good to be able to run, even just a tiny bit. and this afternoon i took all the kids around the block on their bikes, carrying lola in the sling. then a second time on the one mile loop on just our legs. it felt really good.

i am also working on proper food choices. not just good portion sizes, but also good foods not just whatever is handy and sounds good. its the right direction and im happy with that.

Monday, August 5, 2013

a lot can happen in 10 months.

july 17, 6am. the last photo of that belly.

july 17th, 5pm. my freshly bathed baby girl. 

july 21, 830am lola's first sunday

i left things quite unexplained last october. jason was finishing up his last semester of school and i was swamped taking care of the boys (and my own two).  we were stressed out. it also happened to be the month that we had decided to start cooking a new addition.  i saw my doctor october 4th to have my iud removed and was pregnant by the 17th. (as with georgie, i am SO THANKFUL for the short amount of time it took to concieve. those years waiting on emma taught me a lesson i will not forget.) we traveled to california for thanksgiving to surprise jasons family. i thought i was pregnant before we left town, but couldnt get my hands on a test in time. so when we got home again november 26 i took a test and knew for sure. we waited untill christmas to share the news in person with as many friends and family as we could. and yes, i did run brazens new years eve and day races while 11 weeks pregnant. and that was my first and last run of the year as i caused a stress fracture in my right foot.

i decided that tracking my weight and activity throughout what i expect to be my last pregnancy might not be my smartest (or enjoyable) choice. i have always gained more than 50 pounds with previous pregnancies and didnt expect this one to be much different. knowing that i set aside the record keeping for when i would be ready to take it off again.

by the way, thats lola mae up there. she was born july 17th, and is perfect.

as she is only 2.5 weeks old, im not quite up to tracking my weight as it decreases yet. but thats what got me thinking, and ready to write a little.

i am thankful for short labors and fast deliveries. lolas was not my longest (by a smidge) but definitly was my hardest. even so, i am quick to be out of bed, out of the house, back to doing life. i like it that way. today while i was (begrudgingly) loading the dishwasher i thought about what other moms 2.5 weeks postpartum might be doing while the little one sleeps and the two older kids run around after being let out of daily quiet time.  resting? not listening to the kids at all as they have a parent near by who takes them often to give mom a breather? taking an afternoon nap? (i often squeeze in a nap with lola durring quiet time. just didnt today.)

jason told me after one of many comments from a friend about my being up and about so soon, that while i think im normal, i am very much not. well then. what is? (thats not really my point though.) what i was thinking this afternoon as i loaded the dishwasher (other than how much i miss ash, who did my dishes every day she was here. it was wonderful.) was that sometimes i want to be "normal". i want those expectations. to rest every day. to have my other children looked after. to have my household chores taken care of for me. to feel comfortable in maternity pants for several more weeks.

but im not. i have had help.  our church family (i adore them) brought us 8 dinners, starting the day we got home from the hospital and lasting until ash arrived. then there was 6 days of ashley in town coinciding with vbs taking my big kids 3 hours a day. and in just 9 more days, my mother in law arrives for 5 days and almost as soon as she leaves, my mom comes for almost a week.  but that extra help doesnt make me feel any less obligated to keep up with normal life.

and for me normal life includes watching what i eat and exercizing. im not sure i am ready to be back to that part of life yet. its only been a few weeks. but at the same time, i feel great. i feel like lola has been here for ages and my body wants to be able to move like it used to. so slowly, its time to begin again. 

yesterday i spent a couple hours pulling weeds in the garden. (yes, it took nearly 2 hours to get most of them out. yikes.) when i went to bed last night i told jason my back would be sore in the morning. he reminded me that my hamstrings would be too. so today my body reminds me what it feels like to be moved and used and im looking forward to reminding it what running feels like.