Monday, July 26, 2010

not today

i am having a rough day today. emma was upset last night over a diaper rash that is still there this morning. i didnt sleep well, i dreamed of being hunted. george fussed in the night, so i had to wake up and pacify him several times before i fed him around 630. i am very tired. its dreary outside today. im bringing dinner to nate and becky this evening, and have a baby shower to go to tonight for stephanie and baby karli. emmas whining and asking for help but not telling me what she wants help with. she is full of drama. i spent the weekend washing the stink out of my cloth diapers, and yesterday i ran a fresh load of just the three or four that had been used because they were all poopy. this morning they all stink still. im running them through again. i am tired of stinky diapers. i just want to evaporate. my weight the last several days has been very close to, or up from wednesday. i weigh in two days and i just want to see a difference. i know stress isnt helping.

i want to get away. i want to leave the kiddos with someone and go workout until my legs cant move, and then i want to sink in a puddle and cry for a while. i wish i had someone who was willing and avalible to call on short notice and keep them when i need some space. i need to make that kind of friend here.

i will get it in somehow, even if it means coming home early from the shower and not sleeping as well tonight because i went so late.

i need a break today.

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