i noticed six months ago that the image i had of myself in my head was not accurate. actually, i could not have picked myself out of a crowd. i wanted to be this girl again.
this morning i told jason i needed a break. he starts school on tuesday and has had a couple long nights at work this week. i know that starting tuesday, our time will be stretched thin again and my time off will disappear almost completely. so i am at the flying m. (three times this week, a little excessive, i know, but its felt great.)
while walking from my car into the m i felt like myself. and the image i have of myself feels accurate. i carried my red shoulder bag from guatemala with jane eyre, my compy from jenn, my new real simple, and my wallet inside. im wearing my black boots i bought with katie in california, my first pair of size 8 jeans (that i shopped for with jenn, via text and photo emails), an old navy tee i bought with heidi when i was pregnant with emma, my black sweater that i treated myself to, and the scarf i bought in elko when heidi and i stayed with cassie for a weekend a couple years ago. i am clothed in memories of who i am. i am alone at coffee and feel completely surrounded by people who i care about.
im not even sure this will make sense to any of you (except maybe jenn, who knows the me that was gone for a while) but i feel like im back. and it feels great.