Saturday, January 15, 2011

self image

i noticed six months ago that the image i had of myself in my head was not accurate. actually, i could not have picked myself out of a crowd. i wanted to be this girl again.

this morning i told jason i needed a break. he starts school on tuesday and has had a couple long nights at work this week. i know that starting tuesday, our time will be stretched thin again and my time off will disappear almost completely. so i am at the flying m. (three times this week, a little excessive, i know, but its felt great.)

while walking from my car into the m i felt like myself. and the image i have of myself feels accurate. i carried my red shoulder bag from guatemala with jane eyre, my compy from jenn, my new real simple, and my wallet inside. im wearing my black boots i bought with katie in california, my first pair of size 8 jeans (that i shopped for with jenn, via text and photo emails), an old navy tee i bought with heidi when i was pregnant with emma, my black sweater that i treated myself to, and the scarf i bought in elko when heidi and i stayed with cassie for a weekend a couple years ago. i am clothed in memories of who i am. i am alone at coffee and feel completely surrounded by people who i care about.

im not even sure this will make sense to any of you (except maybe jenn, who knows the me that was gone for a while) but i feel like im back. and it feels great.

3 comments:

  1. Totally get it. I am about 10 lbs thinner in my mind's eye. And I hate when I see a picture of myself and I go, ew, that's not me. It is so so awesome how happy you are & how far you've come--total inspiration xx

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  2. :)
    I love being a part of some of those memories of who you are.

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  3. i am re-reading motivation posts (because i need some) and just got to this one. every time i read this i cry.

    bad days now are no where near as hard as my every day before i started bible study at church and devotions at home, a diet change and exercise. i feel like i dug my way out from under failed expectations and lived up to more than i thought possible.

    and this was 6 months ago! i CAN make a change. its hard at first, but i just need to remember that one change makes such a difference as time passes.

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