168.

i have spent a lot of time this week feeling off. i tried reading, walking, eating, quiet time, a hot bath, and still couldnt get a handle on it. i told jason there are just too many things buzzing around in my head and i cant get any of them to hold still so i can focus on it to take care it if. its exhausting.

thats my explanation to today being friday and finally posting for wednesday. its just the way its been this week.

last wendesday, the 29th i walked 4.25 miles and did 15 minutes of weight training after i posted.
sunday september 2, jason pushed the kids and we ran out to the lake and back. a 7 mile loop with a good 2 mile climb. (we are sticking to our sunday runs. this one was right after church instead of waiting for the evening. im not sure yet which i prefer.)
wednesday the 5th i weigh 168 pounds (again. still.)  my new number i suppose. i swing between frustrated that i cant seem to break it, and pretty content that my body isnt swinging several pounds up and down all the time. i walked 1.5 miles while reading the secret life of bees (jason had the kids at church) in an attempt to get out of my funk. it didnt work.
thursday the 6th, in the late afternoon, i took the kids for a 3 mile run/walk. coming back the end of the second mile my calf balled up. i clearly remember that pain from more than a year ago and dont like to mess with it, so i walked most of the last mile with short running breaks.

and that brings me to today. i plan to take the kids in to boise tonight to go 5 miles with jason before dinner. his day isnt panning out like he though, so im not sure what time that will actually be, but i always like a run on the boise greenbelt, so it should be good.

and today i am feeling a little better. i cornered a couple of those buzzing issues and tried to get them organized. one of them i have no control over and no idea what is going on at the other end, and thats what the real struggle is. i like to stay informed. i am having a hard time resting in today and trusting God with tomorrows struggles, when tomorrows struggles affect the choices i make today. its been rough.

i was given a little gift yesterday though, a compliment on the way emma and georgie were acting. i hear ashleys voice in my head telling me "this is your pay check." thats what im working for, training my kids to be kind adults, and when someone notices its working, thats my compensation. it was good reinforcement and encouragement for me.