my girl is 2 months old today. (pictures after she wakes up.)
and while EVERYTHING takes more time now, ive had trouble applying that to myself. so ive stopped weighing myself quite as regularly, and instead have measured, and will measure every few weeks to see a change. 

yesterday i had a really busy day, but wanted to squeeze in a run while the kids were still at preschool. i did a run walk mile before picking up george, then another run walk mile before picking up emma. it took me an hour and forty minutes to do 31 minutes on the treadmill, but i got it in.

im looking forward to spending some kid-less time on trails at hat creek in three days.

2 weeks in

i was sore for two days after my run last week. that sounds ridiculous, but its true. 

i weighed on saturday and was finally back to 210.6. i am pretty sure my scale was a little crooked or something when i weighed myself the first time because i was never at 210 again the rest of the week. and 10 days later, i finally was. so anyways, i think it was inaccurate the first time, and im being more careful now. this morning i weigh 210.4 pounds.

sunday evening jason and i took the kids on a walk to dairy queen for dinner and ice cream.  its 1.5mi each way. he pushed the big kids in the double and i packed lola in the bjorn.  it was a nice 3 miles, and the farthest ive gone in a while.

i want to run again tonight, but jason has a meeting at church for his work and witness trip to senegal in february so he probably wont get home in time. we'll see.

my first mile, since january 1

i honestly cant remember what days i did what this week.  but i do know that i didnt weigh myself this wednesday. totally forgot. i did try to get in 30 minutes while jason and the kids were at caravans, but lola decided to cry for 2 hours. not fun.

then yesterday, after a poor nights sleep (more crying at 4 am. so unlike her.) and a short nap interupted by a fatastic storm and the kids sneaking marshmallows and almonds out of the pantry, i needed to get away. jason came home by 6 and took over dinner and bedtime and the baby.

the rain cooled the evening off, so instead of the gym, i ran the neighborhood. my goal was 1 mile. an entire mile without walking. and i did! and it was HARD. possibly the hardest 11:54 mile ive ever done. but i also felt so accomplished and capable when it was over, and as sore as i am this morning, im still looking forward to doing it again soon.

i finished it with a half mile walk, then pruning the front roses and digging the potatoes in the back yard. (the ground was SO wet, it was pretty much elbow deep in the mud, i had so much fun.)

i tried out a different video today and while i liked some parts more, overall i think i prefer the first one. but, 45 minutes of zumba while lola made faces at me counts for something today.

also, i bought an ipod. or rather, jason bought it for me. should be here this weekend, and i can get it loaded and run again!

stepping over piles of garbage

i am literally (the bag is too heavy for me to carry out) stepping over garbage in my house right now. okay, i guess thats only true till jason gets home and carrys out the kitchen trash. but the rest of it is just so lived in and cluttered i am going crazy. i dont even know where to start. so im doing other things. like drying pears. for the last two weeks. which adds to the mess. pears in boxes on the floor, pears in the dryer, pears all over the kitchen table.

also, its saturday, not wednesday. but on wednesday morning, i weighed 210.6 pounds. so thats my starting point. i have not been that low again since then, but im working on it. also wednesday i did about 35 minutes of zumba. i found several classes on you tube and queued them up. then thursday was playgroup and we went to the zoo, which i walked packing lola so im counting that as exercise. friday morning i got the kids up and out early to be in boise at 7 for the spirit of boise balloon classic (which was great.)

then the rest of the day was pretty awful. just long, and tiring.

so today, i am tired. tired of parenting and sleep deprived tired. lola has been a doll today. just really good. the big kids on the other hand had me in tears before noon which hasnt happened in a REALLY long time. i sent them to their rooms at 1130 so i could try to get through the zumba class and feel successful at something this morning. it took me an hour to do 35 minutes. and the last 20 was after jason got home and dealt with the kids. but i did it.

so, we are working on it.

5 weeks 6 days

tomorrow lola will be six weeks old. today is the first day of waking up to a house without company here or expected in a few days. so ive started sorting out how to get outside for a little exercise. my current problem is that i have three children. three is more than the two seats i have in the jogger. and also, lola shouldnt be in the jogger for several more months. in septermber we pick up the single from jasons parents when we meet them for camping at hat creek so then jason and i will be able to go together and each push a stroller. so, logistics.

but also ive been thinking about running vs the eliptical.  im planning to do some saving up so that i can purchase another rec center pass. i will be able to drop the kids at preschool, and take lola to the kids center at the rec while i work out twice a week. im really looking forward to that. i like having some time away from the kids to sweat and clear my head.

its so strange doing this again.  i know i can, and i know how, and i think thats part of what feels so odd.  also, i have had very few emotional swings in the last month compared to the drastic ones i had after george was born. i feel less dramatic.  ive set a couple goals to get myself motivated since i dont have that exasperation that i did last time around.  we are camping at hat creek the third week in september and i am really looking forward to running those trails with jason.  so thats goal number one. and second, i want to run another race in the spring/early summer.  i havent found one yet, but something around may or june at least a 10k that i will actually RUN.

the last part of this that i need to get together is to get back into my devotions. i have a quiet time for the kids almost every day, and instead of using that time to just read or shower or nap, part of it will go to spending some time in my bible each day.  im going back to the new testiment i think, but havent chosen a specific place yet.

and finally, AMR had a perfectly timed post for me. my body has been through a lot, i need to remember to be gentle with it.

tomorrow i pick up weighing myself on wednesdays again.

three weeks post baby

i know its only been three weeks, and i keep reminding myself that when i start pressuring myself with expectations. so im feeling back to normal, great, but my body might not be, and i need to remember that.

i did a short walk and .25mi run a couple nights ago. it felt so good to be able to run, even just a tiny bit. and this afternoon i took all the kids around the block on their bikes, carrying lola in the sling. then a second time on the one mile loop on just our legs. it felt really good.

i am also working on proper food choices. not just good portion sizes, but also good foods not just whatever is handy and sounds good. its the right direction and im happy with that.

a lot can happen in 10 months.

 

july 17, 6am. the last photo of that belly.

july 17th, 5pm. my freshly bathed baby girl. 

july 21, 830am lola's first sunday

i left things quite unexplained last october. jason was finishing up his last semester of school and i was swamped taking care of the boys (and my own two).  we were stressed out. it also happened to be the month that we had decided to start cooking a new addition.  i saw my doctor october 4th to have my iud removed and was pregnant by the 17th. (as with georgie, i am SO THANKFUL for the short amount of time it took to concieve. those years waiting on emma taught me a lesson i will not forget.) we traveled to california for thanksgiving to surprise jasons family. i thought i was pregnant before we left town, but couldnt get my hands on a test in time. so when we got home again november 26 i took a test and knew for sure. we waited untill christmas to share the news in person with as many friends and family as we could. and yes, i did run brazens new years eve and day races while 11 weeks pregnant. and that was my first and last run of the year as i caused a stress fracture in my right foot.

i decided that tracking my weight and activity throughout what i expect to be my last pregnancy might not be my smartest (or enjoyable) choice. i have always gained more than 50 pounds with previous pregnancies and didnt expect this one to be much different. knowing that i set aside the record keeping for when i would be ready to take it off again.

by the way, thats lola mae up there. she was born july 17th, and is perfect.

as she is only 2.5 weeks old, im not quite up to tracking my weight as it decreases yet. but thats what got me thinking, and ready to write a little.

i am thankful for short labors and fast deliveries. lolas was not my longest (by a smidge) but definitly was my hardest. even so, i am quick to be out of bed, out of the house, back to doing life. i like it that way. today while i was (begrudgingly) loading the dishwasher i thought about what other moms 2.5 weeks postpartum might be doing while the little one sleeps and the two older kids run around after being let out of daily quiet time.  resting? not listening to the kids at all as they have a parent near by who takes them often to give mom a breather? taking an afternoon nap? (i often squeeze in a nap with lola durring quiet time. just didnt today.)

jason told me after one of many comments from a friend about my being up and about so soon, that while i think im normal, i am very much not. well then. what is? (thats not really my point though.) what i was thinking this afternoon as i loaded the dishwasher (other than how much i miss ash, who did my dishes every day she was here. it was wonderful.) was that sometimes i want to be "normal". i want those expectations. to rest every day. to have my other children looked after. to have my household chores taken care of for me. to feel comfortable in maternity pants for several more weeks.

but im not. i have had help.  our church family (i adore them) brought us 8 dinners, starting the day we got home from the hospital and lasting until ash arrived. then there was 6 days of ashley in town coinciding with vbs taking my big kids 3 hours a day. and in just 9 more days, my mother in law arrives for 5 days and almost as soon as she leaves, my mom comes for almost a week.  but that extra help doesnt make me feel any less obligated to keep up with normal life.

and for me normal life includes watching what i eat and exercizing. im not sure i am ready to be back to that part of life yet. its only been a few weeks. but at the same time, i feel great. i feel like lola has been here for ages and my body wants to be able to move like it used to. so slowly, its time to begin again. 

yesterday i spent a couple hours pulling weeds in the garden. (yes, it took nearly 2 hours to get most of them out. yikes.) when i went to bed last night i told jason my back would be sore in the morning. he reminded me that my hamstrings would be too. so today my body reminds me what it feels like to be moved and used and im looking forward to reminding it what running feels like.

last week i weighed 170, this week i weigh 169. i have no time for chit chat- its been a long three weeks. im ready for a break.

before two weeks slip by

last wednesday (oct 10) i weighed 170 pounds. im blaming circumstances. this week should be back to my new normal of 168-169. more to say, but no time.

switch up.

this week i weigh 169 pounds. im not ready to hash it all out, but its been really stressful. and its not going away any time soon.

jason and i ran 5 miles tuesday before we took the kids to linder farms and while we were out i made an out of the blue desicion to run the 10ks instead of half marathons.  its my race, i can run what i want, and i get to enjoy it. so if i dont have the time to train for two halfs, i should not be doing it and hating every moment. im not getting the miles in i need and i want to have a great race in december, so im switching it up. and i feel really good about it now. its something in my control, and instead of letting it control me, i am taking the lead. its a good feeling in this stressful time right now.

9/25 7 miles on the boise greenbelt
wednesday 9/26 i weigh 169 pounds
9/27 2 miles on the treadmill at home
9/30 left church early, stomach flu all afternoon while jason was at work, and a 2 mile walk in the evening after her got home.

its been a long week.

early morning running

thursday jason and i walked 4.5 miles instead of running. too much smoke, too tired lungs.

sunday evening we walked just over 5 on the greenbelt in nampa and tried to nail down a new schedule. (this is always agonizing, because our schedules are determined by work load, classes, babysitting... things out of our control.)

we settled on a 5 am wake up and decided i would get up with him. i remember how hard it is to be the first one up (i used to open at moxie 3 days a week) so i offered to get up too. that way i could run early on the treadmill with less fear of waking the kids (they dont get up till 7-730, so if im finished at 6 they should be plenty asleep still when im finished making noise.)

so this morning we were up at 5 and i was finished with 3 miles before 6am. i hope the rest of the day goes as well.

sick

tuesday night i stayed on the couch with a fever, head ache and chills. emma did jammies and bedtime for me. she was such a big helper. really. wednesday morning i felt much better, but by the end of the day my throat was hurting enough to send me to quick care. my strep test came back negative, so a second stick was shoved in my throat and i wait two days to find out if it really is strep.  today its still really sore (i mean, bloody around my tonsils sort of sore. it hurts.)

so, i think im going to have to back out on plans to run with jason. im sure it would just make me more miserable to try to breath while running with the haze of smoke outside. we have a local fire filling the vally with smoke.  looking outside at noon it looks like sunrise still. a soft glow because there is so much smoke in the air.

wednesday morning i weighed 167.6 pounds. im attributing that to the fever for several days. so thats where i stand now.

a little catch up.
friday september 7 i did go into boise and run with jason. we did 5.5 miles on the greenbelt.
saturday (9/8) we spent the whole day (minus kids naps) replacing fence posts and pulling 13 lawn and leaf bags of weeds at our rental.
sunday (9/9) we did 5 miles on the nampa greenbelt.
monday (9/10) i walked 1 mile on an incline on the treadmill
tuesday (9/11) i walked 2 miles on the treadmill (just trying to get it in.)
wednesday (9/12) i weighed 169 pounds.
thursday (9/13) i drove in to boise to run with jason. we did 4.75 on the greenbelt trail at 11:30 pace, our best so far. finished it up walking back to his office for 5 total.
sunday (9/16) we had 9 planned on a new trail in nampa, but a mile and a half in i knew i hadnt had enough water to drink all day and it wasnt going to happen. we scaled back and did 5 instead (after a potty break at jesses house.) the 9 are still on the schedule, tentatively for thursday in boise.

i have been reading in jeremiah for the last couple months. and this week i started beth moores daniel biblestudy.  God really planned that out for me. ive been reading about the babylonians coming to capture the city for more than 40 chapters and in the first 2 verses of daniel it happens.

also, on saturday i had the chance to take part in the simulcast.  i was one of the moms with kids at my feet, in my jammies singing along. for the first couple hours anyways. jason and i tag teamed the day to make it work.  he watched the kids while he mowed the lawn, then i had them for lunch and naps, then he brough back 3 kids from boise for a friend and had all 5 for the next two hours. then i took a longer break and helped out for another hour. then i finished up the last session and came down to make dinner. there were moments that were so hard just having all the kids around and trying to focus on what i was learning, but it was also so so good. i am glad we were able to make it work.

so thats where im at right now. ive settled one of the issues i had plaguing me last week, and today i will work some more on another. at nap time i will sit down to finish my bible study homework. thats the plan for today.

168.

i have spent a lot of time this week feeling off. i tried reading, walking, eating, quiet time, a hot bath, and still couldnt get a handle on it. i told jason there are just too many things buzzing around in my head and i cant get any of them to hold still so i can focus on it to take care it if. its exhausting.

thats my explanation to today being friday and finally posting for wednesday. its just the way its been this week.

last wendesday, the 29th i walked 4.25 miles and did 15 minutes of weight training after i posted.
sunday september 2, jason pushed the kids and we ran out to the lake and back. a 7 mile loop with a good 2 mile climb. (we are sticking to our sunday runs. this one was right after church instead of waiting for the evening. im not sure yet which i prefer.)
wednesday the 5th i weigh 168 pounds (again. still.)  my new number i suppose. i swing between frustrated that i cant seem to break it, and pretty content that my body isnt swinging several pounds up and down all the time. i walked 1.5 miles while reading the secret life of bees (jason had the kids at church) in an attempt to get out of my funk. it didnt work.
thursday the 6th, in the late afternoon, i took the kids for a 3 mile run/walk. coming back the end of the second mile my calf balled up. i clearly remember that pain from more than a year ago and dont like to mess with it, so i walked most of the last mile with short running breaks.

and that brings me to today. i plan to take the kids in to boise tonight to go 5 miles with jason before dinner. his day isnt panning out like he though, so im not sure what time that will actually be, but i always like a run on the boise greenbelt, so it should be good.

and today i am feeling a little better. i cornered a couple of those buzzing issues and tried to get them organized. one of them i have no control over and no idea what is going on at the other end, and thats what the real struggle is. i like to stay informed. i am having a hard time resting in today and trusting God with tomorrows struggles, when tomorrows struggles affect the choices i make today. its been rough.

i was given a little gift yesterday though, a compliment on the way emma and georgie were acting. i hear ashleys voice in my head telling me "this is your pay check." thats what im working for, training my kids to be kind adults, and when someone notices its working, thats my compensation. it was good reinforcement and encouragement for me.

quiet week.

we took the kids camping friday night, and were exhausted by bed time saturday.  (who am i kidding, i was ready for bed at 2pm, and actually went to sleep at 8pm) my eyes started hurting almost as soon as we got home, and finally yesterday afternoon i was able to see my eye dr. i was feeling better by the time i woke up this morning, but that didnt let me go back in time and feel well enough to get in loads of running. jason and i did put in 7 miles on sunday evening though, and it was so nice. we did a trail run from his office out to barber park back, and i really did enjoy it. tonight ill walk for a while after i get the kids in bed, just because i dont want to go any longer without logging miles.

as for my weight this morning, it was better than expected. after camping i had gained several pounds (mostly from all the salty chips i ate) but this morning i was at 168.4 pounds.  no matter what i do, i seem to be holding steady to that. i have started getting into a morning routine with all the kids, and i am slowly adding to that my other responsibilities. i am never going to enjoy doing the dishes, or folding laundry, but i can enjoy the neat and clean space i get to live in when those things are finished. along those same lines, jason and i have figured out a simple running routine that allows us to take a long run together on sundays. im looking forward to those too.

that about covers it for this week, its been a bit of a quiet one with me not feeling well, but no real complaints.

two long weeks!

8/9 thursday 1.25 mile walk, train like a mother weight training circuit
8/10 friday shred it with weights
8/11 saturday 3.25 mile run in 36 minutes
8/12 sunday off (packing for a trip home with mom and the kids)
8/13 monday off (driving home 11 hours with mom and the kids)
8/14 tuesday 2 mile walk to evergreen park and back
8/15 wednesday playing at the park with the kids, loads of painting at moms house

wednesday weight 8/15 168 pounds

8/16 thursday painting
8/17 friday painting (mom and i painted the entire downstairs of the house. living, diing, kitchen, and hall, all the way up the stairs. also, all the trim around doors and windows, and all the doors. in three days, usually between the hours of 6pm and 2am. it was a long three days, but we got it done. that also included a ton of getting rid of things, and rearranging and removing furniture.)
8/18 saturday 2 mile walk to the park and back (family reunion! there was a great group of family this year, and the kids had a lot of fun.)
8/19 sunday running at the ocean! we met up with ashley and all her boys (dan included!) and went to heceta. we ran, jumped, laughed until we froze.
8/20 monday off (drive back to idaho with jason and the kids)
8/21 tuesday 4 mile run to the church and back so jason could help move furniture in the nursery.
8/22 wednesday 4 mile run to preschool and back

wednesday weight 8/22 168.8 pounds

it was a really big two weeks, though summarized as it is above it doesnt really feel that big. i am 8 days out now from real half marathon training, and thats why ive started easing myself back into it as soon as we got home monday night. i also started watching the boys and chauffeuring to preschool and back this week. so far so good there.  today i am finishing up dishes and laundry from this week (and finishing unpacking for the kids) just in time to pack up a smaller bag for the whole family as we have decided to squeeze in an overnight camping trip friday night.  im not sure where we will go thats not on fire, but we will find somewhere that the kids can get dirty and play.

and thats the last two weeks i guess! whew, its been full.

16.5 miles this week

last week i weighed 168.8 pounds and today i weigh 169.2 pounds.

and ive put in some miles this week. 
thursday 8/2 we ran a 5k in 35 minutes and finished up for an even 3.5 miles.
friday off
saturday 8/4 5 miles up hill! both ways! (kidding.) we ran up iowa two miles, which means running up the hill to get to the lake. it was tough, but i also really enjoyed it. it was in the 8pm hour so the day was cooling off and after dealing with a broken irrigation main early in the day it was nice to just run for a while.
sunday/monday off
tuesday 8/7 i did 3 miles on the treadmill while on skype with katie.  kids have been running wild this week (probably not as much as i think, i just keep staying up too late watching the olympics, so ive got shorter patience in the morning.) and i really needed to just get some miles in. so there they are.
and today, after an incredibly full (but good!) day of errands i found myself still in boise at 5pm and headed to jasons office for a run. he couldnt leave work yet, so i went on without him. we met up at the fish park (fish and games animal park, im not sure what its called, but the kids love it.) neither of us were feeling a run, so we walked out 5ish miles out and back, then to dinner. he had to go back to work when we were finished at 830, and i had to assemble georgies crib and get the kids to bed once i got home. it made for a long, long day.

treadmill wall

its been a great week for mail, and there is still more to come! (this is what happens when i shop. i finally find the best deal, and its online, so i have to wait for things to arrive.) but- todays mail was extra nice.

i dont decorate. im just generally bad at it. it isnt something that i think of to do. (kind of like putting dishes straight into the dishwasher. great idea huh? never think of it when they are in my hands.) but i decided my treadmill wall, the little two foot jut that our dining room (where the treadmill lives) sticks out from the rest of the house, needed something pretty.

its bright and cheery and motivating. the two 5x7s are scripture verses.

and the others are just pretty.  so, thats my new treadmill wall.  its nice to have something to look at now instead of just the most recent pile of laundry that needs folded, or dishes that need washed, or kids fighting.